Temptations

So last night a friend of mine from high school (one of the very few I still talk to) came down to nashville to visit me. He wanted to go out drinking in "my" town for a change. I didn't really have the heart to tell him that I don't really "hang out" in nashville anymore. But still, we went out. SyScreams came down too...which gave me more entertainment for the evening. I realized that everything has changed...and I didn't really like that. We went to eat at a place that used to be great, but last night...not so much. Then we went to a bar, that *also* used to be cool. It was a lot of uppity vandy-bunnies now...count me out of that group. But we stayed for serveral games of pool and a few beers. Then we decided to go across the street to a place I never liked to hang out b/c it used to be really trashy, but there were way more people over there, so we finished the beers and walked over. Upon arrival, several people screamed "oh my god" followed by my real name. Wow, haven't seen you guys in fucking forever. How's it going? They invited the three of us to sit with them, and then proceeded to start buying syscreams and I drinks. Didn't expect the irish car bombs to show up. But, when in rome...or rather, when somebody buys you a beer...u don't turn it down.

See, what had happened was...lol There was a guy at the table who was talking about some previous occasion when he had gotten really hammered drinking irish car bombs. And both her and I said, man....that sounds really good right now: an Irish car Bomb. Didn't think anything else of it. Moved on to drinking the midori sours that josh formerly mouse had bought for everybody. It was surprisingly good. Usually when somebody buys me a drink and says...this is really good, i rarely agree with them. Then the car bombs showed up...omfg...somebody's trying to get me really hammered tonight. Thanks gavin. thanks daniel. First time in two weeks that i've slept more than a couple hours.

So it was really good to see mouse again...been so long. His band used to play all the time in nashville, and I would go to all the shows...cuz I thought the music was fucking fabulous. And last night he gave me the new cd from the new "band" i.e. him and his brother now. Some of the old songs re-done, some old songs played the same only recorded better. So yeah, two great gifts in a very short period of time.

at any rate, i realized the temptations starting last night. Soon as I decide, fuck it i'm done with nashville...just gotta make it a year or so more...then my old friends fall back into my life. Wondering where the hell i've been all these months since i got back. (in a dark hole, hiding away, feeling bad for myself) Oh me? i've just been working a lot.

So now it's like...my head is saying you know, maybe nashville could be good again...if you were actually hanging out IN NASHVILLE, as opposed to fucking clarkshell. Maybe if you had gone out sooner, you would have realized that all your friends are still here. But you don't go out in nashville. Ah, I see, so now that I've decided to move back to winter wonderland...the temptation to stay is gonna come. Yep, that's my luck. leave it to fate to make every decision i have to make as fucking difficult as possible.

but that's not all...I'm still upset about the recent break. Realized it several times last night, when something I said sounded so much like him...and kept running over and over in my head: we're so much alike...still don't understand why we couldn't make it work. Then today I saw him posting about the last new person he let in hurt him just as much as the previous one...well, I only have one thing to say about that: you broke up with me...remember?!?!

The Best Gift Ever!!

So my friend Jay sent me the best uh...christmas? gift ever...(won't reveal the punchline yet...hahaha, cuz I'm a bastard). If I'm feeling nice, I just might share, but I doubt it.

He called me twice tonight, once while I was still working and once just after I'd gotten off and gone to pick up SyScreams to go out for a beer.

Where's the fire?

Uh...*confused voice* I don't know. Well, I just wanted to see if you got your thing I sent you yet.

Well no, haven't checked the mail in a while...been going straight from one job to the other job...haven't been home to check the mail. (Meanwhile in my head...he said it was just a really really small thing...was expecting it to be actually in the mailbox.)

Well I know you already got it today...

What did you call my roommate or something? ... You Stalker...*kidding voice*

No, Fed ex said it got there today....*what it was fedex?...insured maybe? confusion abounds*

Uh ok...well I'll call ya tonight when I get home and let you know I got it *and tell ya if I actually like it or not--always a little scared of "random" presents*

Then here's me, opening the front door...wow! that's not a small tiny little package. It's freakin huge. Ok, I'll get to that in a second, first I'm gonna check my IMs on my comp...see if anybody has sent me a message lately. Look back. Box says in HUGE letters RUSH! PERISHABLE.

Mega excitement...it's something perishable...is it? could it be??? *blood pressure rising* Run to kitchen to get a knife to open box. Top of box, from jay to angel...again perishable. *Well, hopefully he wasn't dumb enough to send me cheese. He ought to know by now that I can't eat that much of it. Surely he wasn't that silly.* More excitement as I start to cut into the tape...perishable...from wisconsin...perishable...not cheese...box finally open. Yea! Styrofoam...it's a cooler...definitely something cold...I think it just might be....tear off top of cooler...pull out random paper....oh my god!!!! Yea!!! Green letters...it is! it is! it is! what I thought. A whole case of Spotted Cow beer from New Glarus ...just for me. Unopened.

Take case out of faux cooler, and open box...more excitement...can't wait to taste it...must have now...still slightly cold...good enough for me...just a little longer...must shake bottle first...(yes, you really have to do this, otherwise the beer tastes like recycled ass, but shaken...oh my god) ok enough shaking already I can't wait...open beer. Foam coming out of top a little, usually that wouldn't have happened (but it wasn't really cold) suck the foam down and yes...still drinking it. Savoring it...gushing about it on the phone to him...I woke him up...oops. Yeah I have to work early too...so what's your point? This is freakin Spotted Cow we're talking about here...very important stuff.
here's a pic. fucking work rules...maybe noooowww, i can view my own fucking page at work.

(G)-oing (H)-lla (O)-uttawayta (S)-ay (T)-his (S)-tuff

So it's over...officially. Again. I guess now I've finally killed all my ghosts in tennessee, and tonight managed to off another one. Only this time, I never imagined that I would think back and call it merely a ghost. But perhaps, that's all it was...the last ghost. Now there are no remaining ghosts to be laid to rest around here, and nothing left to tie me to this area anymore. This time, it even managed to kill the last little bit of hope that I had that I might find a way to be happy in Tennessee again. He said that there was nothing at all I could say or do that would make him change his mind and give "us" another chance. So I left. I realized that I had overstayed my welcome. No hug, no goodbye, just sad looks on our faces. I didn't even do the "girl thing" and wait a bit before I drove away (you know to see if he was gonna come outside and try to say anything) because I didn't really want or need him to say anything else, and I was already crying. People who hurt me don't get to see that...ever. I doubt if we'll be able to get back to being "just friends" again...cuz even if we were to try, there would always be that *thing* in the back of my head, questioning and wondering why. So, after a very short stint, he's back on the market again girls...feast away.

I think now, I'll just have to go back to consuming my days with work and counting the minutes until I can leave again...for good this time. On the way home, I realized that while this time it didn't bring me quite to the point of hating my life again, it did make me understand some things about myself. I was upset, and only had one person I could call to talk with about it...she was asleep, so I let her get back to it (that's what a good friend would do). Since coming back, all of my former "really good friends" have mostly fallen out of my life. Some of them are just deployed right now, so they get the benefit of the doubt, but of the rest, only 2 remain.

My ghosts are dead. My redemption came to me in various, albeit fucked up, ways: at least 5 exes have wanted to have the apology conversation with me i.e. I'm sorry I hurt you, I shouldn't have done that, I really did like you but...., blah blah blah all the same shit people always seem to say in those situations. But at least it gave me a sort of cock-eyed redemption, an end to a bitter story, even if it did come too late to make the hurt go away.

"I don't wanna be just a ghost to be killed," he said once. I didn't want that either; I was hoping that this time I'd finally found something real. But alas, all things must end.

Wool socks and heavy coats and over-the-top liberals....look out, I'll be back.

and...FYI: This recent turn of events actually made me want to take some entries off of this blog. Mostly because now it seems like all I do is get really into a person and then bitch about why it's now over...but I already decided with The Warning Blog that I wasn't going to do that on this page. Funny though, in this case, I almost wanted to delete all the happy posts I had about him, just so there would no longer be this "huge buildup" to a pessimistic end. fyi-2 had to change the title so that I can view my own webpage at work...lol.

"I'd rather be an optimist and a fool, than a pessimist and right." --Albert Einstein

Learning to Care (edit-2)

I feel I should pay heed
to the way I've acted recently,
I hope that you will see,
that this is not the real me.

I was lashing out because
I didn't know the way how
to let anyone get close or feel loved,
so here am I, fucking it up now.

Scared and afraid of what it might be,
not knowing that we should have
been blaming only me,
I'm sorry I acted so strangely,
but I've never learned how to think
in terms of you and me.

Selfish to a fault,
right from the start...
Launched a full frontal assault,
before I even saw that it
would be aimed at my own heart.

Now I don't know just what to say,
to help you see through my eyes,
and show you somehow that
you're the smile in my day.
I never meant to portray
that I simply hide behind lies.

I hope we can continue to try,
and let the arguments pass us by,
cuz your mind and your smile,
your thoughts and semi-guile,
and often your lust and your touch,
are things that my heart longs for over-much.

*end*
Ok, I know it's kinda sappy, but that's how my brain was thinking today. It may change slightly over the months, after I look at it more and realize all the things I don't like about it, or how cliche it might be....but for now this is my apology poem. Sadly, or more ironically, I know the right person will read it eventually.

Ok edit 1 didn't change much except the last verse...but edit 2 has changed it a lot...don't even know if it's really an apology poem anymore...more like an "ode" to he and I. Hope you like it, if it changes much after this, I'll be surprised myself...but then, I go only where the verse tells me, forcing it to be something its not destroys the inherent beauty of it. If anybody is interested, keep watching for more changes, if they come, I'll simply change the number in the title.

The Angry Post

Current Mood: Not as Angry
Song in Head: Wild Angels, Martina McBride lyrics

So last night, I tried to be the surprising, cute I-really-listen-when-you-talk-even-if-you're-just-ranting-about-nothing girlfriend type. And I tell you what, I've never had anybody make me feel so bad as he did last night. So here's the story: He really really likes clam chowder so I found a great recipie for it and decided to make it for him, I also made steamed veggies and pasta with only garlic and butter, cuz he likes "bland" food...so i was trying to be adaptive: making about the blandest food I could think of, that I know how to cook. The whole time while I was shopping for the stuff I was so excited, cuz I hadn't yet told him what I was going to be cooking, and I was so proud of myself for thinking of something so sweet (normally I don't do sweet cute things for the people I'm dating), and I was excited because I love surprises for others just as much as for myself...and I thought that I had finally found something that would make him feel good and happy. (If you had heard how excited he was talking about the buffet at red lobster where he ate 4 bowls of clam chowder, you might begin to understand what I thought his reaction would be).

Instead, he was a downer all night...and it didn't even seem like he liked the clam chowder at all. He was going around about how he had wasted his life this year, and that he hadn't done anything worthwhile (inside thought: u met back up with me this year, and we started dating, i guess that's nothing too). So the whole time, I kept waiting for the "happy face" to come, and him to say, but at least I'm not alone at christmas...or wow, that was really good (i'm kinda anal about my cooking, but i still like to hear that people enjoyed it) thanks...but it never came. Finally, we tried talking about it. I told him that I was a little upset that I went out of my way to cook a dinner for him, that I couldn't even eat the main dish (lactose intolerant), and that it felt like he didn't even appreciate it at all. He said nothing except, I'm sorry I've been down today, I'm sorry it's brining you down too, I should have just told you to stay in Nashville tonight. *Great, that makes me feel better, thanks* Then we tried discussing what he wanted to do for the rest of the night...I wanted to go out cuz my friend sylentscreams didn't have her son last night or a car (it broke down) so i thought it would be nice to go and hang out with her for a while. But of course, he didn't want to go out...he just wanted to go to sleep. I wasn't tired. I laid there and watched him for a while, as he fell asleep during this conversation, and then finally rolled over and resigned myself to trying to sleep. Well then, I was asleep for maybe 20 mins or so before I woke up and realized *zing* he wasn't sleeping next to me anymore. He had gotten up to go play on the computer. At this point, I contemplated just getting up and going home, or going over to see SyS for that matter...but I didn't, I just laid there and got angrier and finally went back to sleep to the tune of him typing away in the computer room. At some point later, I know he came back and got into bed with me...but I was only half awake, but still holding the angry "italian" grudge...so I rolled away from him. Woke up some time after that, more awake than before and thought "Wow, he still hasn't gotten back into bed" and proceeded to get slightly angrier still, until I looked up and realized that he was in bed....on the other side of it, with his back to me. Again, I wanted to just get up and leave...I'm not really a confrontation kind of person, I'd much rather just walk away and have time to think about things before I speak about them...but right now I don't think I could count the number of times last night that I wanted to just get up and leave on both hands.

"Hell hath no fury like the woman scorned for Sega", or in this case a computer. But somehow we still woke up cuddling. Go figure.

Bah...HUMBUG!

This year for christmas i've felt like such a scrooge, because i really don't like the whole holiday to begin with, and then with everybody around me, getting so excited about it...it's almost more than i can take. People everywhere are wishing me merry christmas (even with all the "holiday" bullshit that the government is trying to dig up about all the other freaking holidays that are celebrated at the same time of the year), but i don't really care. It doesn't bother me when others wish me a merry christmas, cuz usually they are doing it from the warm part of their heart i.e. the really mean it, so that doesn't bother me. So all this "holiday" vs. chistmas bullshit i think is just one step too far. Because here i am one of the biggest humbugs ever, who really almost said bah humbug to somebody who wished me a merry christmas, and it doesn't bother me if they still call the tree in times square, new york a christmas tree. When somebody happily wishes me a merry christmas, I simply put on my best fake smile and wish them a merry christmas as well. I could be rude and tell them happy yule to you too, or oh yeah, well happy channakkah to you as well. But i don't! and i'm one the most bitter people around these days when it comes to holiday cheer. I'm upset that I can't work on Christmas Day because both of my jobs are closed, i really wanted to make the money. Who else would say that? I'm half expecting to get visited by the three ghosts tonight as i sleep. My friend Ron replied, when I told him that a few weeks ago though, that "yeah, but you wouldn't be afraid of them, you'd just be like, ok let's go...you're gonna take me to see my past huh? alright let's get a move on." The funny thing is, I probably would too. "Hey what's up? So this is my grave huh? Wow, I die young...cool headstone though."

But at least I'm not the only humbug this year...I've found that several of my friends are feeling very humbuggy too....So here's the links...just so i'll be in good company. There's my friend Gaelin who's pissed off about some of the same Christmas things as me here , and then there's my other friend who's made up his own holiday story, which i love, and he calls (and am probably gonna post one of my own here soon...got a good idea already) the true meaning of christmas here and then there's also my goth friend's idea of how christmas should really be, and though it's not a humbug, I felt inclined to include it because it doesn't take the traditional view of christmas that somebody else wrote called Twas the night before gothmas and then my friend matt, whom I love dearly, even more so now that he's pissed about christmas, who is just as humbuggy as i am.... with this bulletin . (ok this one only works if u have a myspace account, sorry). ok for those that don't have myspace here's what it said

"

Subject:	Chrismas Cheer
Body:	If any of you post any of that cheer crap in my comments I'm liable to go ballistic!!! Have a nice snowy season of sleep, death, cold, freezing hypothermactic bliss... yes I made that word up... I can do that... :p

end



so now all that said, here's why i hate this holiday season. Cuz it's only a bastardization of the pagan holiday Yule. Yule was the time of year when pagans would wrap gifts for each other in brightly colored paper and decorate their house with small colored lights, and celebrate togetherness and the rebirth of the god/goddess who brings light back to the earth. They also decorate a "yule" tree. Here's a link. Also, I have another site, If ya'll reading are so inclined, I don't like this one as much, cuz i hate the sponsor (Wicca 101, how lame! but the info is good) Yule celebration traditions. So, I guess that's enough ranting for now, I've said what i wanted to say, and shown what i wanted to show...and if y'all out there still don't get the point of why, as a witch, I hate christmas in general, then u weren't paying attention and therefore, u dont' matter to me.

the ego boost

so the person I've been seeing read my blog and said "well thanks" and i was like you're not getting a swelled head now are u? and he said no, not from that...now if u posted about other things..."like how great the sex was the other day?" i said. he started to blush slightly...so i decided to do the post anyhow...several days later. Cuz i'm not lying, the sex we had the other night was really great. mind blowing...literally.

now to clear things up, there is a distinct difference between having sex and making love...he and i didn't do either the other day. it was better than that. it was the kind of sex where u can feel the other person's emotions, almost feel their thoughts...when ur so close to each other, it's like you've become only one person. your emotions mix with theirs and become one and u can feel the collective energy coursing through ur entire body the whole time. that's the real mind fuck (sorry party girl, for me it's more than conversation). that's when the orgasm comes up from a place u forgot existed, cuz it's been so long since u had an orgasm like that.

so there, probably the most details anybody would ever get out of me regarding sexual relations...heh. so don't ask for any more details cuz u won't get 'em.

the love rant

why do love and marriage not go hand in hand anymore? why when u find somebody u can really relate to, is there still irreconcilable problems? why do we have to agree to disagree? what ever happened to falling in love and staying with that person forever? my great grandparents, i think, are the last people in my family to have had this...everybody else has had a divorce.

someone at the bar tonight brought up an interesting point about women...if you're a woman (and the rest of this statement only applies to people who think like women, so stop reading if you're gonna get pissed about it) and u know u want to get married someday...why is it so difficult? the guy was talking about the typical "woman" response to certain things, and it got me thinking. Honestly, how often do we really date "the nice guy" and stay with him. do we EVER look at our best guy friend and think "he would make a really good husband"? no, we don't. then, how often do we really stay with "the bad boy" (u know the type that always care more about his motorcycle than u, and probably has lots of tattoos and hates his parents, and hates anything that even resembles committment?) not very long...cuz we just plain get bored. we always think that we can make the "bad boy" into the nice guy, but it never happens. we, as women, honestly and truly DO want the "nice guy" but we never marry a nice guy...we always tell them, "let's just be friends." which they hear everyday and have heard a million times already and don't want to hear it again, especially not from u, because they are actually in love with u already. but then, on the other side of the coin, we can never get the bad boy to settle down with us, and be happy with just "one pussy" for the rest of their lives...so then, here's the real question....how do any of us actually get married at all? (this is what the guy actually said to me...how do people get married?)

working

haha...when i'm not busy at work, i get to play on the internet if i want...i rule. so this is just an update, in case anybody's worried about me...i'm fine, working a lot though. don't get my first check from new job till way after my rent is due, so i need to load up on hours at my other job to try and have enough to pay rent..hehe.

oh yeah and i decided that NIN is the perfect antedote to christmas music...last night i was radio surfing, and i heard another stupid christmas song...yuck, change it. next station was playing head like a hole...and i thought, yeah...alright. NIN is the perfect antedote to bad, sappy christmas music.

so last night the guy i've been seeing cooked dinner for me. it was so sweet, cuz he was trying to make it all special for me and had it planned out to be done when i got off work at midnight or so...but then i got off early, and he was a little upset that it didn't turn out the way he wanted...it's the thought that matters. that he actually went to the trouble to make dinner for me, AND that he had it all "planned" out to be ready for me when i got off work. so sweet!

Why am I so Fucking Stupid?

Why do I always get this way when this happens to me? Why don't I ever see it coming and cut my losses? Why do I always lose myself when it happens? Why can I never remember who I really am when it happens? Oh I know *yells* because it's the only fucking thing that matters to me at all! Because everything else is just boring ass fucking details in my life. Because it's the only thing that's ever mattered.

But I've made a command decision: I'm not going to let it happen again. I give up! Finally, I just plain give up. For one thing, I definitely didn't need to see this and for another thing...I'm never happy and it always tears me apart when similar things happen again and again. So I've decided to just stop trying...I'm giving up.

From here on out, I'm only gonna date people I've already dated...if any of them want to come back. At least that way, when it ends, I'll know that I should have known better. I'll at least know that I *should* have seen it coming.

All that said, I realized something. I'm a stupidly simple person. With as complicated as everybody thinks I am, and as complex as I sometimes act, I'm just a simple person. Because love is the only thing that really honestly matters to me; everything else is just details. I don't care what job I do, though I do like my new one, and I don't care where I hang out, or what I eat (mostly). I don't *really* care when my cat pees on my blankets, I'm just frustrated that I have more laundry to do...which I hate. Only thing that matters though, that truly matters, is the only thing I can't get. Maybe I'm not simple...just obsessive..heh.

I guess I must deserve an asshole

So yeah, last night NG and i, well really just him, decided that it was time to stop seeing each other...yeah, already. he's scared and hurt, blah blah blah...insert every excuse i've already heard here and continue on with the story. he didn't mean to hurt me, and hoped we could still be friends. my problem with this is...why do the nice guys never want to keep me? the assholes that treat me like shit, man...they'd stick around forever if i'd let em. i was thinking about this on the way home tonight...and the last time i dated a really nice guy for longer than a month was when i was still a really nice-virgin-teenaged-high-school-varsity-cheerleader, which was so long ago i don't even like thinking about it. And the problem with trying to be just friends with NG is that, the conversation wasn't really there with he and i. I loved to hear him talk just because i was so fascinated with his mouth, that watching his lips move was more than enough to get me going, but how can i be "friends" with a man who i have very little in common with and that i'm always thinking about kissing? I don't know if i can.

In other news, the deaths in Iraq are getting closer to my doorstep...which scares me a bit. Several weeks ago, I heard a name on the radio announced that i recognized (not as a friend or ex but somebody i had delivered pizza to A LOT!!), then tonight one of the girls who used to work with me called up and ordered a pizza and when our guy went to her house to deliver it, there was a chaplain and a soldier in class "a's" at her door. In this area, we all know exactly what that means: it was her husband. All of us at work tried to call, and offered to come over and keep her company...and several of us girls up at the shop are planning to cook a few meals and cake for her so that she won't have to cook for a while, if she doesn't want to and also to let her know that even though we might not have been her best friends, that we are still there with her. But it makes me wonder...what next? who next? Things like this usually come in threes, and it keeps getting closer to my heart...for my own sanity, i just hope that the next step isn't what i fear.

And then.... A friend of mine last night, which confused me very much, got to talking with me about why he and i weren't together. Honestly, i've never figured that out...i didn't know why back then, and i don't really know why now. But the confusing part isn't that it was said, it's that he said the decision was on me, and that he's been dropping a lot of hints around this lately. Sidenote: to anybody who doesn't know, dropping a hint around me is usually about as effective as hitting me in the head with a brick...either way, ur not gonna get much out of me, and either way it serves no real purpose. But now, i'm still sitting here trying to think of what "hints" he thinks he dropped towards this end. And so far, i've only come up with one very clear thing that i can remember: he played my favorite song on the jukebox one night when we were out at the bar together, just because he knew how much i liked it. Mostly, i just thought we were friends who sometimes had sex because mostly, all i hear from him is how much he still misses his ex-girlfriend. In what language or world does talking about an ex equal "I'm hitting on u"? That's the sorta thing u talk about with somebody who is just a friend; and sitting at a bar comparing notes on every hot girl that walks by is definitely a friend area as well. Also, encouraging me to go out with a guy who asks me out....friends! Inviting said guy to go out with us...friends!

And this is mostly what i get out of you, so forgive me if i'm a bit confused about your intentions and possible affections for me.

Just for Fun

Snuffy's Suicide Attempts



Poor baby, life is rough for you, huh? No one
seems to see you, no one notices your
pain--except for your friend Big Bird, but he's
alway off hanging out with his other friends.
You wish you were him, all happy and curious
and popular and bright yellow. You feel like
his shadow anymore, like the only reason you
exist is to amuse him. It's hard being
somebody's imaginary friend. But stop trying
to kill yourself--imaginary people can't kill
themselves. Sorry. And hey, maybe tomorrow
you'll feel better!
Someday people will see you, I promise.


Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
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The Blame Game

Ok so this is a post to invite responses, as many as possible...i'm calling it the blame game. We're gonna see how many personal character flaws or injustices in the world we can blame on random or irrelevant things. I'll start.

I'm blaming the fact that I'm incapable of finishing a lot of movies on growing up as a part of the "television generation".

I'm blaming my addiction to posting a whole shit ton of things, some very random things, on blogs on the television show "Sex and the City".

I'm blaming the inability of singles to find a good partner on bad chick flicks that create over-high standards.

Who are u blaming?

Why? Why? Why?

Again i'm writing when i should be sleeping...and i'm stupid cuz i have to do a bunch of stuff tomorrow...ok i'm lying only 2 things...but they're both large jobs, so i need to wake up at decent hour to get them done...like put away all the fucking laundry i washed tonight...the night went well though...all laundry done, and still down in the car, cuz i was too fucking lazy to carry it up 3 flights of stairs tonight...so there it stays until i wake up tomorrow errr...today. At any rate, i have a headache right now, so i think i'm just gonna head off to bed, even if i'm not tired. But tonight i had a nice time with NG, even if all he did was watch me do my laundry and then we got a bite to eat...but, so far he's still living up to the "title", so we shall see.

On the Up Slope

So today, I finally got my registration...faxed to staples. To think, I could have solved this problem last week for only 50 cents...ah well. I still can't start working at the bank yet, because my drug screen hasn't processed yet, but at least I can do my laundry today(with my last 10 bucks) and I can start back at my old delivery job starting tomorrow. In other news, my mom sent me a shit ton of baked goods to celebrate the Winter holiday...seems like I've never had anything that tasted that good in my life. haha I mean, not to say that I can't make cookies and fudge just as well as her, after all she taught me, but it's so much nicer when somebody else does it for you. So if anybody reading this would like some cookies or fudge or chocolate rice krispy treats...I'm your girl! hehe. Getting the registration marks the beginning of the end of Papa John's and my abusive relationship...so way to go me, for getting out of a bad situation! So yeah, now I'm off to go do my laundry and possibly have a 3rd date with Mr. Nice Guy.

Harry Potter

So i finally got to see this movie tonight...and can i just say...wow! yeah, don't know what else to say except...wow! oh yeah, and the movie was really good too.

Unfinished movies

So recently I had a mini-discussion with person x about movies and such. He was telling me about all the movies he thought were great, some that i'd seen, some i hadn't seen...and a bunch of movies that i had only seen half or part of for whatever reason. Finally, slightly sarcastic, he asked if i ever watched any movie all the way through...of course i do. However, tonight i started thinking about it again, and wondering why i really didn't see all of the movies that are on the "half-list"? Why didn't i ever go back and finish them later? Then this thought, got me deeper thinking into the real question behind this blog...why do i leave so many things unfinished? I realized that i rarely finish what i start...even right now, for example i have another blog entry that i've been working on for a while now, and still haven't posted...which is why there's been a lapse in entries, cuz i've been working on the same one for days. But then, even today, rather than finish it, i decided to write one about how many things i don't finish. I even do it when i eat...i'll eat most of a breadstick, for example, but i'll leave the last bit of the end unfinished...note to self: *i really need to start finishing some things...maybe i'll start with all the movies i've only seen half of, and work up to bigger things....like the million (0k not that many) books that i've only read the first few chapters or so*

Nice Date

Well my date is officially over now i guess. And it's a good thing that my friend reminded me about daylight savings time making the difference between my time and his 9 hours now instead of the previous 8...so it was actually at 1 pm not 2 pm...cuz we were doing it at 10 pm his time..yay! The movie was good, and it's odd because I was more excited for this "simu-date" than i've been for most of my 'actual' dates in the past few years...with a few exceptions, but those won't be mentioned here. Yeah, i know he wasn't actually with me, but I could still feel him by me, none the less. it was very nice actually...a sort of safe feeling, a little bit of control in a world torn apart by war and destruction...because for those two hours, i knew exactly what he was doing, watching a movie with me. Man, i miss my friends in iraq. I hope they come home safe, and soon, but I know what their deployment length was even before they left...and it's still a long way baby. Thanks matt, i miss you...and thanks to you, we've taken internet dating to a whole new level...heh.