Learning to Care (edit-2)

I feel I should pay heed
to the way I've acted recently,
I hope that you will see,
that this is not the real me.

I was lashing out because
I didn't know the way how
to let anyone get close or feel loved,
so here am I, fucking it up now.

Scared and afraid of what it might be,
not knowing that we should have
been blaming only me,
I'm sorry I acted so strangely,
but I've never learned how to think
in terms of you and me.

Selfish to a fault,
right from the start...
Launched a full frontal assault,
before I even saw that it
would be aimed at my own heart.

Now I don't know just what to say,
to help you see through my eyes,
and show you somehow that
you're the smile in my day.
I never meant to portray
that I simply hide behind lies.

I hope we can continue to try,
and let the arguments pass us by,
cuz your mind and your smile,
your thoughts and semi-guile,
and often your lust and your touch,
are things that my heart longs for over-much.

*end*
Ok, I know it's kinda sappy, but that's how my brain was thinking today. It may change slightly over the months, after I look at it more and realize all the things I don't like about it, or how cliche it might be....but for now this is my apology poem. Sadly, or more ironically, I know the right person will read it eventually.

Ok edit 1 didn't change much except the last verse...but edit 2 has changed it a lot...don't even know if it's really an apology poem anymore...more like an "ode" to he and I. Hope you like it, if it changes much after this, I'll be surprised myself...but then, I go only where the verse tells me, forcing it to be something its not destroys the inherent beauty of it. If anybody is interested, keep watching for more changes, if they come, I'll simply change the number in the title.