Bright New Day-3 (PMB)
"How do I begin again? How can I? Can I?" I asked myself at various points in the evening. I didn't know how afraid I was until the topic of our conversation turned to how much we liked each other. He said something to the effect that he thought I was somebody that he could really like a lot...and what did I think about it?
"What do I think?!? I think you're the most interesting person I've met since Wisconsin...I think you're one of the most interesting people I've met in my life...I think I could really like you a lot, almost too much for my own good, and that scares me...I think I could like you much more than..."
But instead, I said, "I'm not sure I should answer that question...because what I want to say and what I'm thinking, are things I've said before to other people and the relationship turned out horribly. It's almost like I don't wanna jinx it by saying how I really feel about it. Cuz every other time I've said something similar to somebody, it always turned out just terrible..."
"Ok, I can understand that..." he paused. His look was asking if what I was thinking about saying was negative, but then his face changed into a very thoughtful look; his eyes piercing into my energy again. And then he knew it wasn't negative. So he slipped me a very knowing half-smile, while he was turning his head away from me..."but do ya at least like me at all?" he asked with just a touch of teasing and mocking in his voice.
He wanted me to say it; he actually has to hear me say it, huh?
"Just a touch of ego," I thought. "A touch of ego isn't always a bad thing."
"Yes..." long pause, "I do," I barely whispered as I slid into the booth next to him. I was watching him closely as he smiled away right next to me, but not looking at me. He was turned slightly to talk to his friend. His smile and his playfulness with me about whether or not I liked him, his feigned non-interest in me after I said I did like him: it was too much; I realized, just then, that I wanted to kiss him. That was the first time all night that I had thought that: "I really do wanna kiss him right now."
And almost as if he could hear the thought coming from me, he turned towards me at that exact second and gazed into my eyes still smiling, but then his eyes turned downward towards my lips. He searched my expression for a sign, and then moved his hand toward my face. Very slowly his hand approached. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I didn't stop him. He very delicately placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb just under my eye and the rest of his fingers barely grazing my hair and my ear: I giggled a bit because my ears are very sensitive. Then he gently scratched his fingertips through my hair until his hand rested on the back of my head. His touch was so gentle, so intimate, almost loving: my whole body shivered with that one movement of his hand. And even though I had closed my eyes just a bit when the pleasure washed over me, I somehow knew that he was still gazing intently at me. He was watching my reaction to him, and he was watching it very closely: it intrigued him. He wanted more, but did not move in to kiss.
"He wants me to lean in first, I guess: gentlemanly of him, respectful...but it means I have to be the brave one tonight if I want to kiss him."
Then his hand dropped down abruptly and I opened my eyes again to find that he had quickly turned and slid down toward his friend at the other end of our semi-circular booth. They were whispering something. When he moved back down toward my end of the booth, I didn't have to ask. I knew. He needed a ride home now; the excuse was irrelevant. But I discovered that it was more than just that: his friend and the girl his friend wanted to take home also needed rides.
"Sure, no problem," I sighed. "Good thing I stopped drinking at 12:30," I thought.
.........................................................
But all of that happened before we started dancing. The dance and the kiss were near the end of our evening out together.
Soon after our dance, it was time to go; my friend was trying to start a fight with the new girl that I was now taking home and the bartenders had just announced last call. "Yep, definitely time to go," I thought.
I didn't have a car nearly large enough for the number of people I was taking home, but we made it work somehow and eventually made it to the first stop. While I was driving, he and I were talking about everything: life, music, beliefs, what activities we each liked doing, and even a touch of religion.
I'll never forget that he said at one point, "Well that's why I stopped going to church...because of the difference between belief and faith." I smiled as if I were seeing him for the time..."Oh, really?" my Eyes asked.
"But that's a long story," he continued. "I'll explain it to you sometime."
I was still thinking about this, about how maybe I had found somebody, finally, who might actually agree with my view on religion and spirituality, when it happened. How refreshing! I was deep into wondering what all the intricacies of his beliefs could actually be when we hit the road block.
I saw a bunch of blue and red lights ahead from both sides of the road. It looked to be about 6 police cars all in the same area: the area I had to go through to get my friend home. "Reeaalllly good thing, I stopped drinking earlier," I thought.
"What is that?" he asked.
"Looks like a road block to check for drunk drivers."
"Well yeah, that's what it looks like, but you weren't supposed to say that. You were supposed to lie to me."
"And tell you what?" but the officer was already at my window by then.
"Good evening," the officer began.
"Hi...How are you?" I said a bit nervously, handing him the documents he had already begun to ask for.
"So what we're doing here is just stopping everybody to see if everybody's ok to get home."
"Yes officer, I'm fine to get home...I'm just taking these two home."
He shined his flashlight into my car, and examined Boy in the passenger seat, and flashed the light at my friend in the backseat who was totally passed out by this point.
"He have a little too much tonight?" he asked pointing toward my friend in the back.
"Yes, sir...I believe so, but that's why I'm driving and not him," I laughed a bit.
"And you...have you had anything to drink tonight?"
"A lot earlier..."
Confused face, "You had a lot earlier, or it was a lot..."
I cut him off. "It was a lot earlier..."
"Ah, well how many would you say you had?" suspicious look creeping into his face.
"I had a couple beers, like two, and a glass of champagne. But I'm sober now."
"Well," still suspicious. "When do you think your last drink was?"
"...well I started the champagne at midnight for the toast, and was finished by probably 12:30 or so."
"And you didn't have anything else after that."
"No sir."
"Humm...well your license still has a few points on it..."
"So...uh?"
The officer was glancing about at the other cars around us: in front, behind and next to us; assessing which people he might actually catch in the act. Then he began again...
"You know you're the only one so far tonight who has admitted to having had anything to drink."
"Yes, sir...well, I figured, why lie? If you didn't believe me, you'd just give me the test anyways...I might as well just admit that I did have something to drink. Especially since that was several hours ago... and I know it's not still affecting my body."
"You really stop drinking at 12ish?"
"Well, somebody had to sir, otherwise we might not have gotten home safe tonight...and since my friends had no intention of stopping...I did."
"Alright...well..." still unwilling to let me go because I had actually admitted to drinking, "You seem to be ok, I'm not gonna give you the test..just be safe," as he handed me back my important documents.
"Thank you." And we drove off. Both of us were very relieved.
"Man, I'm glad now that you did stop drinking," he breathed out. "You really lucked out."
"Yeah, me too...but I figured there were gonna be road blocks tonight...there usually are on New Year's in this town."
Then before long, we had dropped off my friend, with quite a bit of dramatic effort, at his house. Then, next thing I knew, there we were sitting outside his "Community Living Establishment" (I'm hesitant to use the real word here) in my car: both wondering what to say or do next. Awkward movements and shuffling, both wondering what to say; should we say anything at all?
I think he did say something, but I don't remember what it was; it didn't matter, I wasn't listening anymore: I was just staring at his lips again, wanting to kiss him again.
Before long we were kissing again, though I don't know who began this round. There we were deep into the consuming, passionate kissing that couldn't possibly have happened in front of other people. It was the kind of kissing that was so sexual that little moans and deep breaths and small whimpers were escaping from both our lips at various points. My hands at the back of his neck again; his arms engulfing me and pulling me across the center console towards him.
Then abruptly, I stopped it; I forced him away, gasping for breath, trying to focus. During the kissing, my head had begun to become very fuzzy and I couldn't think straight anymore: I was slipping into a place very far away but so real it was nearly tangible. So I stopped it, trying to maintain control of a situation that I don't think could have been controlled no matter what I might have tried. "But I can't lose control like this again...I can't!" I looked at him as I thought this and the look in his eyes said that he was experiencing a slightly fuzzy head as well, but was not as desperate as I, to try and control it; he was not at all intent, like me, to make the swirling stop.
"What was it I was seeing before? What could it have been? It was so familiar...and I could almost see it happening...what was it?" I thought while still trying to catch my breath and slow my heart. I was desperately grasping at the feeling of his kiss, trying to remember what I saw.
I don't remember what happened next, I don't remember what he said to me. My brain was still swimming, but I remember wanting more of whatever-it-was he was giving me; always more. I craved it like I had never craved anything in my life. And somehow, he talked me into coming inside, though I'll be damned if I can remember what exactly he said that eventually led to me agreeing. It must have been something brilliant because, at that time I was already past the point in my life of "casual encounters" and had no intention of sleeping with him that night. But still he got me to agree.
He must have been witty or convincing or something; I can't remember which. But I guess I must have agreed, because when my head finally stopped being as convoluted, I remember that we were walking up the path to his building and into his room.
**Author's note: "And the show must go on...and so it shall..." Tonight is not the night to finish this story though...but another installment is now complete.**
"What do I think?!? I think you're the most interesting person I've met since Wisconsin...I think you're one of the most interesting people I've met in my life...I think I could really like you a lot, almost too much for my own good, and that scares me...I think I could like you much more than..."
But instead, I said, "I'm not sure I should answer that question...because what I want to say and what I'm thinking, are things I've said before to other people and the relationship turned out horribly. It's almost like I don't wanna jinx it by saying how I really feel about it. Cuz every other time I've said something similar to somebody, it always turned out just terrible..."
"Ok, I can understand that..." he paused. His look was asking if what I was thinking about saying was negative, but then his face changed into a very thoughtful look; his eyes piercing into my energy again. And then he knew it wasn't negative. So he slipped me a very knowing half-smile, while he was turning his head away from me..."but do ya at least like me at all?" he asked with just a touch of teasing and mocking in his voice.
He wanted me to say it; he actually has to hear me say it, huh?
"Just a touch of ego," I thought. "A touch of ego isn't always a bad thing."
"Yes..." long pause, "I do," I barely whispered as I slid into the booth next to him. I was watching him closely as he smiled away right next to me, but not looking at me. He was turned slightly to talk to his friend. His smile and his playfulness with me about whether or not I liked him, his feigned non-interest in me after I said I did like him: it was too much; I realized, just then, that I wanted to kiss him. That was the first time all night that I had thought that: "I really do wanna kiss him right now."
And almost as if he could hear the thought coming from me, he turned towards me at that exact second and gazed into my eyes still smiling, but then his eyes turned downward towards my lips. He searched my expression for a sign, and then moved his hand toward my face. Very slowly his hand approached. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I didn't stop him. He very delicately placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb just under my eye and the rest of his fingers barely grazing my hair and my ear: I giggled a bit because my ears are very sensitive. Then he gently scratched his fingertips through my hair until his hand rested on the back of my head. His touch was so gentle, so intimate, almost loving: my whole body shivered with that one movement of his hand. And even though I had closed my eyes just a bit when the pleasure washed over me, I somehow knew that he was still gazing intently at me. He was watching my reaction to him, and he was watching it very closely: it intrigued him. He wanted more, but did not move in to kiss.
"He wants me to lean in first, I guess: gentlemanly of him, respectful...but it means I have to be the brave one tonight if I want to kiss him."
Then his hand dropped down abruptly and I opened my eyes again to find that he had quickly turned and slid down toward his friend at the other end of our semi-circular booth. They were whispering something. When he moved back down toward my end of the booth, I didn't have to ask. I knew. He needed a ride home now; the excuse was irrelevant. But I discovered that it was more than just that: his friend and the girl his friend wanted to take home also needed rides.
"Sure, no problem," I sighed. "Good thing I stopped drinking at 12:30," I thought.
.........................................................
But all of that happened before we started dancing. The dance and the kiss were near the end of our evening out together.
Soon after our dance, it was time to go; my friend was trying to start a fight with the new girl that I was now taking home and the bartenders had just announced last call. "Yep, definitely time to go," I thought.
I didn't have a car nearly large enough for the number of people I was taking home, but we made it work somehow and eventually made it to the first stop. While I was driving, he and I were talking about everything: life, music, beliefs, what activities we each liked doing, and even a touch of religion.
I'll never forget that he said at one point, "Well that's why I stopped going to church...because of the difference between belief and faith." I smiled as if I were seeing him for the time..."Oh, really?" my Eyes asked.
"But that's a long story," he continued. "I'll explain it to you sometime."
I was still thinking about this, about how maybe I had found somebody, finally, who might actually agree with my view on religion and spirituality, when it happened. How refreshing! I was deep into wondering what all the intricacies of his beliefs could actually be when we hit the road block.
I saw a bunch of blue and red lights ahead from both sides of the road. It looked to be about 6 police cars all in the same area: the area I had to go through to get my friend home. "Reeaalllly good thing, I stopped drinking earlier," I thought.
"What is that?" he asked.
"Looks like a road block to check for drunk drivers."
"Well yeah, that's what it looks like, but you weren't supposed to say that. You were supposed to lie to me."
"And tell you what?" but the officer was already at my window by then.
"Good evening," the officer began.
"Hi...How are you?" I said a bit nervously, handing him the documents he had already begun to ask for.
"So what we're doing here is just stopping everybody to see if everybody's ok to get home."
"Yes officer, I'm fine to get home...I'm just taking these two home."
He shined his flashlight into my car, and examined Boy in the passenger seat, and flashed the light at my friend in the backseat who was totally passed out by this point.
"He have a little too much tonight?" he asked pointing toward my friend in the back.
"Yes, sir...I believe so, but that's why I'm driving and not him," I laughed a bit.
"And you...have you had anything to drink tonight?"
"A lot earlier..."
Confused face, "You had a lot earlier, or it was a lot..."
I cut him off. "It was a lot earlier..."
"Ah, well how many would you say you had?" suspicious look creeping into his face.
"I had a couple beers, like two, and a glass of champagne. But I'm sober now."
"Well," still suspicious. "When do you think your last drink was?"
"...well I started the champagne at midnight for the toast, and was finished by probably 12:30 or so."
"And you didn't have anything else after that."
"No sir."
"Humm...well your license still has a few points on it..."
"So...uh?"
The officer was glancing about at the other cars around us: in front, behind and next to us; assessing which people he might actually catch in the act. Then he began again...
"You know you're the only one so far tonight who has admitted to having had anything to drink."
"Yes, sir...well, I figured, why lie? If you didn't believe me, you'd just give me the test anyways...I might as well just admit that I did have something to drink. Especially since that was several hours ago... and I know it's not still affecting my body."
"You really stop drinking at 12ish?"
"Well, somebody had to sir, otherwise we might not have gotten home safe tonight...and since my friends had no intention of stopping...I did."
"Alright...well..." still unwilling to let me go because I had actually admitted to drinking, "You seem to be ok, I'm not gonna give you the test..just be safe," as he handed me back my important documents.
"Thank you." And we drove off. Both of us were very relieved.
"Man, I'm glad now that you did stop drinking," he breathed out. "You really lucked out."
"Yeah, me too...but I figured there were gonna be road blocks tonight...there usually are on New Year's in this town."
Then before long, we had dropped off my friend, with quite a bit of dramatic effort, at his house. Then, next thing I knew, there we were sitting outside his "Community Living Establishment" (I'm hesitant to use the real word here) in my car: both wondering what to say or do next. Awkward movements and shuffling, both wondering what to say; should we say anything at all?
I think he did say something, but I don't remember what it was; it didn't matter, I wasn't listening anymore: I was just staring at his lips again, wanting to kiss him again.
Before long we were kissing again, though I don't know who began this round. There we were deep into the consuming, passionate kissing that couldn't possibly have happened in front of other people. It was the kind of kissing that was so sexual that little moans and deep breaths and small whimpers were escaping from both our lips at various points. My hands at the back of his neck again; his arms engulfing me and pulling me across the center console towards him.
Then abruptly, I stopped it; I forced him away, gasping for breath, trying to focus. During the kissing, my head had begun to become very fuzzy and I couldn't think straight anymore: I was slipping into a place very far away but so real it was nearly tangible. So I stopped it, trying to maintain control of a situation that I don't think could have been controlled no matter what I might have tried. "But I can't lose control like this again...I can't!" I looked at him as I thought this and the look in his eyes said that he was experiencing a slightly fuzzy head as well, but was not as desperate as I, to try and control it; he was not at all intent, like me, to make the swirling stop.
"What was it I was seeing before? What could it have been? It was so familiar...and I could almost see it happening...what was it?" I thought while still trying to catch my breath and slow my heart. I was desperately grasping at the feeling of his kiss, trying to remember what I saw.
I don't remember what happened next, I don't remember what he said to me. My brain was still swimming, but I remember wanting more of whatever-it-was he was giving me; always more. I craved it like I had never craved anything in my life. And somehow, he talked me into coming inside, though I'll be damned if I can remember what exactly he said that eventually led to me agreeing. It must have been something brilliant because, at that time I was already past the point in my life of "casual encounters" and had no intention of sleeping with him that night. But still he got me to agree.
He must have been witty or convincing or something; I can't remember which. But I guess I must have agreed, because when my head finally stopped being as convoluted, I remember that we were walking up the path to his building and into his room.
**Author's note: "And the show must go on...and so it shall..." Tonight is not the night to finish this story though...but another installment is now complete.**
posted by AeroAangel at 20:38
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