I miss me--The illogical post
"Sometimes I wish she was you....I guess we never really moved on"
I went out to the club tonight, and it was loads of fun...new pictures to come soon. Tonight was the kind of night that I used to remember "back when".
"and yes I dreamt of you too."
Back when I was really into the scene and knew everybody and spent the whole night talking to a bunch of different groups of people. My ride wanted to leave early, but that's ok with me.
"But girl you make it hard to be faithful"
She was tired and I don't blame her a bit...and I get to be home early enough to still go to sleep a bit buzzed. I like that.
"It's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet."
I went to the club with 20 dollars and came home with a buzz and still having some of that money left...it was a good night.
"with the lips of an angel.....honey why you calling me soooo late?"
The cute bartender I was hitting on two weeks ago called me a cock tease though, which I thought was very funny. Cuz that's not really my MO at all! oh well, his loss. I know i'm somewhat of a tease, but I only tease until it's not any fun anymore...
"reach out and touch faith..."
But I'm leaving soon to go the Army, I don't have time for a fucking relationship....unless they're willing to move to california for me...probably won't be happening anytime soon though so yeah...pretty much
"now and again we try to just stay alive..."
all I'm looking for is just somebody to sleep with, cuddle with, and possibly have sex with for a very short period of time...so I've apparently met a guy who isn't ok with that...who also called me a cock tease...I can't figure this out...
"maybe we'll turn it around because it's not too late, it's never too late."
oh well...there are plenty of other "interested parties" that I can play around with until I leave for basic.
(This song reminds me of AJ--always has, probably always will--Apotheosis, "O, Fortuna!" I can't quote it cuz it's in another language...I think italian, but I'm not sure)
And my friend that picked me up tonight looked soooo hoott!!! I really wanted to just do her on the dancefloor, but alas, that would be poor taste and really bad manners.
My camera works again...I bought a new battery and took more pics tonight...still have some left on the roll to shoot off before I can get it, and the other 4 rolls floating around my house developed. I'm so bad about getting film developed...some of those rolls are from when I still lived in wisconsin...oh well...they are all memories and memories are better left to be remembered at a later date, that's the way I see it...
"where have i gone, we've come so far, well i've been headed nowhere."
That's why I like having prints. I can keep them around for very long periods of time to prove where I've been...but if those have changed, then I'll be very disturbed...and until just now I hadn't considered the possibility that they might have changed that too.
"as if you're still there...There is no sense in crying"
I guess I'll check that tomorrow...don't worry, I'll remember...cuz it makes me wonder...with all the other things that have changed, have they tried to change my memories as well? Is it possible to do that even? They have obviously turned several other people I know into pods...changing what they thought they "might have known" into something real again.
"Back away from the place where my ashes are buried...don't you worry they won't find my body..."
The moon has been a full blood moon for 3 days...very few other people have noticed this...at 11 30 on wednesday night the moon was full...and bill saw it too...tonight it was still full. I "somehow knew" on wednesday that it was full several days too soon...but couldn't prove it. My friend that drove me tonight is taking an astronomy class right now and apparently, the moon was the fullest that it ever is during a whole year on wednesday night...ironic? I think not.
"I walk the world for you, babe, 8,000 miles for you..."
But tonight, it was still full. How do normal people not see things like this? The physical reality around them is doing very bizarre and strange things.
"with a rebel yell, she cried more, more more oh yeah a little baby she want more."
and somehow they haven't seen it yet...or at all for that matter. And they probably never will.
How do I learn to deal with this? When only 3 people that I know have seen the same things as me and also know that the physical reality is changing into something that it had never been before, how do I learn to cope?
"this pain is just to real, there's just too much that time cannot erase."
(Stupid IM people...i hate them...why do they insist on bothering me when I'm writing?)
"I'd fight away all of your fears, and i've held yoru hand thought all of these years, but you still have ....all of me..."
How do the "others" cope? Have their memories been wiped? What really happened? That's the question that I really can't get over...What the fuck!!! really!!!! happened on Tuesday?!?!?! The only saving grace I have, the only hope that I can cling to is that I know I haven't gone totally insane because....I'm not the only one who has noticed.
"hell bent to run in that local marathon, he trained through the endless pain and pills....it hurt so bad that sometimes he just had to cry..."
At least I'm not alone...this time, I'm not the only one who noticed...thank god for my friends...REALLY, THANK GOD!!! I'm so glad that I have those friends in my life who can tell me, sometimes when I need it..."No, you're not crazy...I see it too."
"Good, cuz I was startin' to worry."
"The good lord gave us mountains so we can learn how to climb...."
The dark thing that surrounded my apt last night is now, at least, only outside my apartment. My friend who dropped me off noticed it too...and didn't want me to stay here, but I didn't have much choice. I've gotten it out of my apt, I told her, I know that. But I can't get it to go away totally...I think not having it in my own space is about the best I can do...
"always confusing the thoughts in my head, so I can't trust myself anymore."
and yes, it's very powerful...i know dear. Neither of us knows what it is...but neither of us is okay with it...good, at least I wasn't freaking out about nothing last night.
"I, died again....I'm going under."
At least that much was true.
"I'm falling forever, I've got to break through."
At least, tonight it's not in my apt anymore...at least I got it to move that far back...thank you gods for helping me.
(Incubus Succubus, Instrumental portion of cover, "Paint it black."---very very powerful)
Gods, I hate those stupid people who think I want to talk to them all night on IM...I don't!!! Unless you're somebody really important or are really far away (read:Iraq), I DO NOT want to stay up all night to talk to you...go away. But I'm not that rude...I like to make statements that, to me, make them look very stupid for continuing the conversation but which they won't likely pick up on....it's much funnier to me if I'm calling them stupid and they don't even get it...I think that's the only reason I put up it...
"I don't wanna talk about it...how you broke my heart...if i stay here just a little bit longer...if i stay here won't you listen to my heart?"
it amuses me sometimes...heh. Cuz it's really funny to me to be making fun of people who don't know I'm making fun of them....
"Nowhere girl...you're living in a dream..."
Ok, this is where the post ends...and maybe if I care enough later...I'll document all the songs I quoted, but perhaps not...but, just as a note, almost everything in quotes was from the song I was listening to while writing this post....i typed the parts that played when I stopped to think again...this is my normal thought process for anybody who cares...
"tastes so good make a grown man cry, sweet cherry pie."
I went out to the club tonight, and it was loads of fun...new pictures to come soon. Tonight was the kind of night that I used to remember "back when".
"and yes I dreamt of you too."
Back when I was really into the scene and knew everybody and spent the whole night talking to a bunch of different groups of people. My ride wanted to leave early, but that's ok with me.
"But girl you make it hard to be faithful"
She was tired and I don't blame her a bit...and I get to be home early enough to still go to sleep a bit buzzed. I like that.
"It's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet."
I went to the club with 20 dollars and came home with a buzz and still having some of that money left...it was a good night.
"with the lips of an angel.....honey why you calling me soooo late?"
The cute bartender I was hitting on two weeks ago called me a cock tease though, which I thought was very funny. Cuz that's not really my MO at all! oh well, his loss. I know i'm somewhat of a tease, but I only tease until it's not any fun anymore...
"reach out and touch faith..."
But I'm leaving soon to go the Army, I don't have time for a fucking relationship....unless they're willing to move to california for me...probably won't be happening anytime soon though so yeah...pretty much
"now and again we try to just stay alive..."
all I'm looking for is just somebody to sleep with, cuddle with, and possibly have sex with for a very short period of time...so I've apparently met a guy who isn't ok with that...who also called me a cock tease...I can't figure this out...
"maybe we'll turn it around because it's not too late, it's never too late."
oh well...there are plenty of other "interested parties" that I can play around with until I leave for basic.
(This song reminds me of AJ--always has, probably always will--Apotheosis, "O, Fortuna!" I can't quote it cuz it's in another language...I think italian, but I'm not sure)
And my friend that picked me up tonight looked soooo hoott!!! I really wanted to just do her on the dancefloor, but alas, that would be poor taste and really bad manners.
My camera works again...I bought a new battery and took more pics tonight...still have some left on the roll to shoot off before I can get it, and the other 4 rolls floating around my house developed. I'm so bad about getting film developed...some of those rolls are from when I still lived in wisconsin...oh well...they are all memories and memories are better left to be remembered at a later date, that's the way I see it...
"where have i gone, we've come so far, well i've been headed nowhere."
That's why I like having prints. I can keep them around for very long periods of time to prove where I've been...but if those have changed, then I'll be very disturbed...and until just now I hadn't considered the possibility that they might have changed that too.
"as if you're still there...There is no sense in crying"
I guess I'll check that tomorrow...don't worry, I'll remember...cuz it makes me wonder...with all the other things that have changed, have they tried to change my memories as well? Is it possible to do that even? They have obviously turned several other people I know into pods...changing what they thought they "might have known" into something real again.
"Back away from the place where my ashes are buried...don't you worry they won't find my body..."
The moon has been a full blood moon for 3 days...very few other people have noticed this...at 11 30 on wednesday night the moon was full...and bill saw it too...tonight it was still full. I "somehow knew" on wednesday that it was full several days too soon...but couldn't prove it. My friend that drove me tonight is taking an astronomy class right now and apparently, the moon was the fullest that it ever is during a whole year on wednesday night...ironic? I think not.
"I walk the world for you, babe, 8,000 miles for you..."
But tonight, it was still full. How do normal people not see things like this? The physical reality around them is doing very bizarre and strange things.
"with a rebel yell, she cried more, more more oh yeah a little baby she want more."
and somehow they haven't seen it yet...or at all for that matter. And they probably never will.
How do I learn to deal with this? When only 3 people that I know have seen the same things as me and also know that the physical reality is changing into something that it had never been before, how do I learn to cope?
"this pain is just to real, there's just too much that time cannot erase."
(Stupid IM people...i hate them...why do they insist on bothering me when I'm writing?)
"I'd fight away all of your fears, and i've held yoru hand thought all of these years, but you still have ....all of me..."
How do the "others" cope? Have their memories been wiped? What really happened? That's the question that I really can't get over...What the fuck!!! really!!!! happened on Tuesday?!?!?! The only saving grace I have, the only hope that I can cling to is that I know I haven't gone totally insane because....I'm not the only one who has noticed.
"hell bent to run in that local marathon, he trained through the endless pain and pills....it hurt so bad that sometimes he just had to cry..."
At least I'm not alone...this time, I'm not the only one who noticed...thank god for my friends...REALLY, THANK GOD!!! I'm so glad that I have those friends in my life who can tell me, sometimes when I need it..."No, you're not crazy...I see it too."
"Good, cuz I was startin' to worry."
"The good lord gave us mountains so we can learn how to climb...."
The dark thing that surrounded my apt last night is now, at least, only outside my apartment. My friend who dropped me off noticed it too...and didn't want me to stay here, but I didn't have much choice. I've gotten it out of my apt, I told her, I know that. But I can't get it to go away totally...I think not having it in my own space is about the best I can do...
"always confusing the thoughts in my head, so I can't trust myself anymore."
and yes, it's very powerful...i know dear. Neither of us knows what it is...but neither of us is okay with it...good, at least I wasn't freaking out about nothing last night.
"I, died again....I'm going under."
At least that much was true.
"I'm falling forever, I've got to break through."
At least, tonight it's not in my apt anymore...at least I got it to move that far back...thank you gods for helping me.
(Incubus Succubus, Instrumental portion of cover, "Paint it black."---very very powerful)
Gods, I hate those stupid people who think I want to talk to them all night on IM...I don't!!! Unless you're somebody really important or are really far away (read:Iraq), I DO NOT want to stay up all night to talk to you...go away. But I'm not that rude...I like to make statements that, to me, make them look very stupid for continuing the conversation but which they won't likely pick up on....it's much funnier to me if I'm calling them stupid and they don't even get it...I think that's the only reason I put up it...
"I don't wanna talk about it...how you broke my heart...if i stay here just a little bit longer...if i stay here won't you listen to my heart?"
it amuses me sometimes...heh. Cuz it's really funny to me to be making fun of people who don't know I'm making fun of them....
"Nowhere girl...you're living in a dream..."
Ok, this is where the post ends...and maybe if I care enough later...I'll document all the songs I quoted, but perhaps not...but, just as a note, almost everything in quotes was from the song I was listening to while writing this post....i typed the parts that played when I stopped to think again...this is my normal thought process for anybody who cares...
"tastes so good make a grown man cry, sweet cherry pie."
posted by AeroAangel at 23:53
1 Comments:
thank you for that...what is it from?
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