Bright new day (PMB)
I woke up the next morning in his bed, curled up very tightly with him. I was still a little disoriented by the events of the previous night. The details were a little fuzzy by the light of day, but not because I was too drunk and don't remember the night before. It was totally different; the images in my head were unclear because I couldn't convince myself that they had actually happened. I remember them very clearly happening, but by morning, I had begun to try and explain them away.
Waking up in his bed made for one of the best beginnings to a day that I had had in a good while. He was so delicate with me, so tender. Strong hands caressing my face and smiling at me like he still couldn't believe I was actually there. I was, and so was he...that was the miracle of it all. It did happen! Both of us knew that it did actually happen. Looking in his eyes made me want to crumple up again into his arms and never leave. Neither of us had any intention of denying it or apologizing for it with the morning light glaring in at us, almost blinding us. He knew and I knew, there was magic afoot the night before. We laid together too long that morning because we didn't want to let go. We talked about going out to get something to eat, but it never worked around to happening. In fact, we didn't even look away from each other for the longest time; both searching the other's eyes for the truth contained within the other.
..."Yes, it was real," both of our eyes shouted while practically jumping around like a child on a trampoline: happy, carefree, giggly.
Then finally, when it was nearly time for me to be at work--and I still hadn't eaten anything yet--I left. I had to, I knew that. Didn't keep me from wishing that I could call in sick that day though.
The day outside was clear and bright and almost warm. It was the kind of day that reminds me of Spring, a nice clear sunny day with just a touch of a cool breeze about. It was the most beautiful day I had seen in I don't know how many months. The breeze chilled my skin a little, and I smiled. I smiled the smile that said, "Wow, what a wonderful day." Odd that it should happen in the midst of a fairly cold winter for this area; odd that it should remind me so much of late Spring. It did though. I thought of running through fields of daises and hay in late Spring. I thought the inevitable thought of assurance, on days like this, that Summer is coming soon with its dreadful heat. Only in this case, it wasn't true. Summer was some 4 to 5 months away. But this day brought hope with it: hope for the future of my life that I had just about given up on lately. Hope that maybe...just maybe...I'd found something good again.
"How very odd that this day should come right after such a beautiful and confusing evening!" I thought out loud. "What a perfect way to begin a brand new year!"
And it was. It was the first day of the New Year.
When I met him the night before, I was at a point in my life when I had given up hoping that love could find me. I had lost so many beautiful people in my life and, admittedly, I was very jaded. I didn't think I'd ever find a person who could bring the magic of attraction and desire back into my life, or any other magic for that matter. I was convinced that I had already met all the people who were going to do that for me, and they had already left me. All of them left for different reasons, I had to tell myself constantly, but it amounted to the same thing. None of them wanted ME. I had accepted it. Coming to terms with reality makes us free in a way that nothing else can. I was totally free that night: I wasn't looking for anything at all. Very likely, that's why something found me.
New Year's Eve and I had to work. No surprise there, I had worked every holiday at this job for the past few years. I was the only one who didn't care; I didn't have any family nearby and I didn't have "anybody special" in my life, so everybody assumed that I "didn't mind" because I "had nothing better to do." Well, so what? It was true. Sue me. Luckily, we closed early that night--secretly I was a bit hurt by working on New Year's, I really did want something better to do that night.
I ended up going out with one of my best male friends that night, but since we were leaving later than most party-goers, we were trying not to pay a cover for the evening. That alone, is why we selected The "Bar" (name changed), but even there, we had to pay a cover. The band sounded good though, so we decided to just suck it up and pay cover, since I was too lazy to drive around looking for a different place, and he was already too drunk to care. Besides, the cover wasn't as outrageous as it was at other clubs in town.
Walking around looking for familiar faces and finding none, I decided to just go back and sit with my friend. On my way down the stairs, somebody called my name--my real one!
"Shit!! Probably somebody I don't want to talk to..." I thought. Glancing over toward where the call had come from, "Sure enough...Man, I hate being right!"
"Oh hi, " I smiled--possibly the fakest smile ever.
"Do you remember me?"
"Of course I do, you're the really obnoxious annoying guy that used to work with me," I thought. But instead said..."Yeah, from work right? I'm sorry though, I've forgotten your name," trying to be polite.
"Yeah that's ok, I remember yours..." he trailed off. Actually, I stopped listening...a man was offering me his hand to help me down the stairs. "Interesting, but no thanks," I heard in my head.
"Well, if you're gonna see me outside of work," I continued to Work Boy, "you should know that everybody calls me Angel."
"But the thing--referring to the computers at work--said "Real Name", that's so pretty."
"Thanks, but that's not what I go by."
"Well, I'm still gonna call you that anyway! Everybody else at work calls you that," he said very smugly, more determined than ever to be given the privilege of calling me by my real name.
"Sure, go right ahead. Just don't expect me to answer or be friendly to you anymore if you do," just as smug and quite rude, actually. "And the work people only call me that because I don't feel the need to correct people that I don't see in any other capacity besides work. Why should I bother to correct those who don't matter to me?"
Then he began speaking to me, the guy with the outstretched hand, and Work Boy, still chatting away at me, got drowned out by the crowd and by the headlining band warming up. I don't remember the first thing he said because it seemed insignificant to me. Naturally, I was trying to brush him off as well, since it was obvious that he was in Work Boy's group for the evening. I said something to him very rude, trying to get him to stop talking...but he didn't.
"You said you go by Angel?" he asked with a slight hesitation in his voice.
"Yes, your friend over there was calling me by my real name, but I don't like it."
"Oh," he paused, "I didn't hear what he called you anyhow." Then he whispered, "I don't really like him that much either, he just works with me."
Smiling a knowing smile at me, he continued "Well, you definitely are an angel," with a slight wink at me.
Blushing slightly now, I had nothing to counter that with, so I kept the silence.
And after a slight delay to think of something witty to say, during which I watched the band tune their instruments, "Well, I should really get back to my friend...he's probably wondering what happened to me." No wit. No interesting come back. No cute or sweet innocence shining through a soft smile. It never came. "Oh well, I don't feel very interesting tonight anyhow," to myself.
His face sank slightly with the knowledge that I had come out that night with somebody else: a man. He said nothing.
And I said something to the effect of, "Yeah, I should at least check in with him. I don't want him to think I abandoned him or anything. He's probably hitting on several hot chicks by now, but he did say he was getting me a beer, and I haven't seen him since we got here a while ago."
The hope resurfaced in his face..."Good, he knows now that we are just friends," to myself again. "Why do I care? I don't really find him that attractive anyhow." But yet, I was still watching his face change from slightly guilty--for trying to hit on a girl who had come with a boyfriend--back to the calm confidence that his energy naturally exuded, and I became a bit shy. "What makes me so intriguing to him? I'm wearing black baggy pants and a plain black shirt, neither of which are very flattering to my figure," silently to myself. "Man, why didn't I put some other cute outfit in the car, for just in case?" As it was though, I had nothing besides work clothes in my car, except for that plain black shirt and those unadorned black pants that night.
"I really need to go though."
"Well, I'll probably be over here all night. You're welcome to come back if ya like. I hope you do come back," in a hopeful and yet, still flattering tone.
"Thanks...I might. We'll see," I smiled and brushed past him looking for my friend. Glanced back once to see him watching me walk away, face slightly changed: he didn't believe me. He thought he'd already lost the game.
(To be continued...have to leave it at a point that even I want the story to continue...but I don't have the effort for the rest of the story yet...and I'm not exactly sure on which direction I want to take it yet...so stay tuned for the rest)
Waking up in his bed made for one of the best beginnings to a day that I had had in a good while. He was so delicate with me, so tender. Strong hands caressing my face and smiling at me like he still couldn't believe I was actually there. I was, and so was he...that was the miracle of it all. It did happen! Both of us knew that it did actually happen. Looking in his eyes made me want to crumple up again into his arms and never leave. Neither of us had any intention of denying it or apologizing for it with the morning light glaring in at us, almost blinding us. He knew and I knew, there was magic afoot the night before. We laid together too long that morning because we didn't want to let go. We talked about going out to get something to eat, but it never worked around to happening. In fact, we didn't even look away from each other for the longest time; both searching the other's eyes for the truth contained within the other.
..."Yes, it was real," both of our eyes shouted while practically jumping around like a child on a trampoline: happy, carefree, giggly.
Then finally, when it was nearly time for me to be at work--and I still hadn't eaten anything yet--I left. I had to, I knew that. Didn't keep me from wishing that I could call in sick that day though.
The day outside was clear and bright and almost warm. It was the kind of day that reminds me of Spring, a nice clear sunny day with just a touch of a cool breeze about. It was the most beautiful day I had seen in I don't know how many months. The breeze chilled my skin a little, and I smiled. I smiled the smile that said, "Wow, what a wonderful day." Odd that it should happen in the midst of a fairly cold winter for this area; odd that it should remind me so much of late Spring. It did though. I thought of running through fields of daises and hay in late Spring. I thought the inevitable thought of assurance, on days like this, that Summer is coming soon with its dreadful heat. Only in this case, it wasn't true. Summer was some 4 to 5 months away. But this day brought hope with it: hope for the future of my life that I had just about given up on lately. Hope that maybe...just maybe...I'd found something good again.
"How very odd that this day should come right after such a beautiful and confusing evening!" I thought out loud. "What a perfect way to begin a brand new year!"
And it was. It was the first day of the New Year.
When I met him the night before, I was at a point in my life when I had given up hoping that love could find me. I had lost so many beautiful people in my life and, admittedly, I was very jaded. I didn't think I'd ever find a person who could bring the magic of attraction and desire back into my life, or any other magic for that matter. I was convinced that I had already met all the people who were going to do that for me, and they had already left me. All of them left for different reasons, I had to tell myself constantly, but it amounted to the same thing. None of them wanted ME. I had accepted it. Coming to terms with reality makes us free in a way that nothing else can. I was totally free that night: I wasn't looking for anything at all. Very likely, that's why something found me.
New Year's Eve and I had to work. No surprise there, I had worked every holiday at this job for the past few years. I was the only one who didn't care; I didn't have any family nearby and I didn't have "anybody special" in my life, so everybody assumed that I "didn't mind" because I "had nothing better to do." Well, so what? It was true. Sue me. Luckily, we closed early that night--secretly I was a bit hurt by working on New Year's, I really did want something better to do that night.
I ended up going out with one of my best male friends that night, but since we were leaving later than most party-goers, we were trying not to pay a cover for the evening. That alone, is why we selected The "Bar" (name changed), but even there, we had to pay a cover. The band sounded good though, so we decided to just suck it up and pay cover, since I was too lazy to drive around looking for a different place, and he was already too drunk to care. Besides, the cover wasn't as outrageous as it was at other clubs in town.
Walking around looking for familiar faces and finding none, I decided to just go back and sit with my friend. On my way down the stairs, somebody called my name--my real one!
"Shit!! Probably somebody I don't want to talk to..." I thought. Glancing over toward where the call had come from, "Sure enough...Man, I hate being right!"
"Oh hi, " I smiled--possibly the fakest smile ever.
"Do you remember me?"
"Of course I do, you're the really obnoxious annoying guy that used to work with me," I thought. But instead said..."Yeah, from work right? I'm sorry though, I've forgotten your name," trying to be polite.
"Yeah that's ok, I remember yours..." he trailed off. Actually, I stopped listening...a man was offering me his hand to help me down the stairs. "Interesting, but no thanks," I heard in my head.
"Well, if you're gonna see me outside of work," I continued to Work Boy, "you should know that everybody calls me Angel."
"But the thing--referring to the computers at work--said "Real Name", that's so pretty."
"Thanks, but that's not what I go by."
"Well, I'm still gonna call you that anyway! Everybody else at work calls you that," he said very smugly, more determined than ever to be given the privilege of calling me by my real name.
"Sure, go right ahead. Just don't expect me to answer or be friendly to you anymore if you do," just as smug and quite rude, actually. "And the work people only call me that because I don't feel the need to correct people that I don't see in any other capacity besides work. Why should I bother to correct those who don't matter to me?"
Then he began speaking to me, the guy with the outstretched hand, and Work Boy, still chatting away at me, got drowned out by the crowd and by the headlining band warming up. I don't remember the first thing he said because it seemed insignificant to me. Naturally, I was trying to brush him off as well, since it was obvious that he was in Work Boy's group for the evening. I said something to him very rude, trying to get him to stop talking...but he didn't.
"You said you go by Angel?" he asked with a slight hesitation in his voice.
"Yes, your friend over there was calling me by my real name, but I don't like it."
"Oh," he paused, "I didn't hear what he called you anyhow." Then he whispered, "I don't really like him that much either, he just works with me."
Smiling a knowing smile at me, he continued "Well, you definitely are an angel," with a slight wink at me.
Blushing slightly now, I had nothing to counter that with, so I kept the silence.
And after a slight delay to think of something witty to say, during which I watched the band tune their instruments, "Well, I should really get back to my friend...he's probably wondering what happened to me." No wit. No interesting come back. No cute or sweet innocence shining through a soft smile. It never came. "Oh well, I don't feel very interesting tonight anyhow," to myself.
His face sank slightly with the knowledge that I had come out that night with somebody else: a man. He said nothing.
And I said something to the effect of, "Yeah, I should at least check in with him. I don't want him to think I abandoned him or anything. He's probably hitting on several hot chicks by now, but he did say he was getting me a beer, and I haven't seen him since we got here a while ago."
The hope resurfaced in his face..."Good, he knows now that we are just friends," to myself again. "Why do I care? I don't really find him that attractive anyhow." But yet, I was still watching his face change from slightly guilty--for trying to hit on a girl who had come with a boyfriend--back to the calm confidence that his energy naturally exuded, and I became a bit shy. "What makes me so intriguing to him? I'm wearing black baggy pants and a plain black shirt, neither of which are very flattering to my figure," silently to myself. "Man, why didn't I put some other cute outfit in the car, for just in case?" As it was though, I had nothing besides work clothes in my car, except for that plain black shirt and those unadorned black pants that night.
"I really need to go though."
"Well, I'll probably be over here all night. You're welcome to come back if ya like. I hope you do come back," in a hopeful and yet, still flattering tone.
"Thanks...I might. We'll see," I smiled and brushed past him looking for my friend. Glanced back once to see him watching me walk away, face slightly changed: he didn't believe me. He thought he'd already lost the game.
(To be continued...have to leave it at a point that even I want the story to continue...but I don't have the effort for the rest of the story yet...and I'm not exactly sure on which direction I want to take it yet...so stay tuned for the rest)
posted by AeroAangel at 21:54
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