One down, ??? to Go.

My last post was way too accurate for its own good. I decided now, at 3 am, after the second call that I've received from the same person in one night that she and I are done being friends.

Both times all she did was scream at me, I don't mean yell, I mean scream at the top of her lungs. Both times I couldn't get a word in edgewise to say anything in my own behalf. Both times she was angry for invalid reasons. Granted, the first call was slightly justified, I was being selfish trying to get home sooner, but I felt that after losing my car to a ditch, that I had earned the right to be somewhat selfish.

But this time she accused me of doing something that I HAVE NEVER DONE!!! And that, my friends, is where I draw the line. She was hollering and screaming at me that I needed to "make this fucker go away!" She thinks that I sent something after her, and not just her but mostly after her 3-4 year old daughter. Me? Really? She thinks I fucking sent it!?!?! Sorry babe, not my style. For one, I don't send other things to do my dirty work for me. For two, I don't keep dark things like that under my control because I don't like having them around, so I wouldn't have anything to send, even if I wanted to send anything. For three, two years ago I faced off with legion head on, so that she and her daughter would never have to, and now, after all that, I'm gonna send something after both of them? Nope, sorry, it ain't me babe! (Apologies to Johnny and June) And finally, even if I were capable of doing such a thing i.e. send something else to torment her and her daughter without feeling bad, I wouldn't do something that totally heinous just because we had a small fight earlier; a fight I was willing to overlook if the next time she called she acted more adult and we talked out, instead of screamed out, what she was angry about. "No, no, no, it ain't me babe. It ain't me your looking for, babe."

But I can't say that I don't find it amusing that it happened, even though I did not do it. Perhaps when I basically wrote her off earlier, the protection that she normally had over her and her house, thanks to me, wore off, went away, bye bye, see ya later. Don't know, could very well have happened, but I definitely didn't do it on purpose (neither the sending nor the taking away the barrier). And I have no intention what-so-ever of making whatever-it-is go away for her. None. So hopefully Bill goes to her rescue, cuz I'm not going to this time. But the upswing is that I guess she finally knows now, that I really WAS the ONLY thing keeping her and her daughter protected from the shit that could fly up there. And sorry to say that Legion is not the only thing that has taken residence up there lately, and the "others" are way worse: way stronger, way meaner.

And Legion is mad as fuck that I got away from there, I wouldn't put it past him to start attacking my friends up there...sounds like something he would do. But most of my good people there are very well protected thanks to me from him. Perhaps SHE isn't anymore. Sorry about your run of bad luck. Looks like it's time to get tough or die, cuz I'm not your shield anymore. I'm sorry that you have fallen out of my light and into the hands of an enemy, but I can't keep protecting you forever. Also, with the way you've been acting lately towards me, I wouldn't want to anyway.

Those people that will walk with me when the time comes, will always have my protection, but those are the ones who don't really need it. She was totally dependent on it...sorry, guess I was right last week, no matter what she does, she won't walk with me.

For Me:

"Lord forgive me for not using my power that you've given me for good in this case. I know you've made me this strong for a reason, but I can't protect her anymore. Please forgive me for letting her fight her own fight tonight. I know you have made me the watchtower for many, but I no longer believe that she was one of those people. Please forgive me for walking away from this fight this time, because I now believe that if you had wanted me to fight this fight tonight, you wouldn't have helped me get home. And I know, I know, that you did help me get home late last night. I couldn't have done it without YOU and without those people that you have given me who protect me when I'm scared. Please forgive me for walking what I feel is my path now; forgive me for walking away from this. Please Lord, let me walk your path, always, and let the rest fall away. Let those things that are meant to leave, go on their way, either with me or without me (if that be your will). Please forgive me tonight for letting her fall away, becasue I don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself for it." Amen