Healing
Today my body feels almost totally recovered from the accident, never mind that the bruises haven't gone away yet, and the glass shard wounds are still somewhat infected. guess that's what i get for not cleaning my car more often...lol. dirty glass into skin = dirty wounds even if you get glass out of skin.
my spirit however, will take much longer to heal, but i'm trying. i think i'm dealing tolerably well with the whole thing, considering the fact that I'm stuck in wisconsin with no ride. granted, i do really like wisconsin, but i'm ready to be home with my kitties again. i know they miss me, and i know that potions knew something bad was going to happen to me, cuz he was acting really strangely when i was trying to leave to come up here in the first place. I want him to know that I'm ok, and i really will be coming back home to him, just like i always promise him i will when i leave.
sometimes when i'm alone, i start to burst out into tears, but just when the sob is about to overtake me, i somehow calm myself down again. this is a bit sadder than i've been in blogs in a while, but i haven't yet reached the point where i feel i can be funny yet. maybe someday soon, i'll look around and laugh at the whole thing but for now, i'm just glad to be alive, glad to have friends who do care about me deeply and are worried for my safety and well being, glad to have friends who offer help even though there is little to be actually given (small laugh), and a little sad that i don't have my favorite car anymore, and might never again.
however, even if i do get the damned car back, i'm selling the fucking thing before i got to basic...i have no intention of keeping a car that seems to be bad luck. perhaps it was the car that saved me and these things would have happened to me anyway, but it's getting a little too suspicious for me to take any more chances on it. in wisconsin the winter i was there, the car almost skidded off a cliff and into a huge tree, i barely avoided that mess...then i did actually hit a truck tire (technically it hit me) and went spinning in circles on the interstate at 70mph and miraculously did not hit anything, but the car was pretty fucked up...then the bastard hit me while i was working fucking up my back in october of last year, now i've rolled the car (for no "apparent" reason) into a ditch/river and barely walked away from it. i've also gotten more speeding tickets in that car in the past two years than i had my whole life up to that point...the ratio is 5 to 1 by the way (5 in that car, only 1 in any other car) and i didn't speed anymore in that car than i ever did.
bruised and shaken, i am trying to dust myself off and get moving forward again, but it's hard to do sometimes. and last night i discovered that, apparently, squealing tires send me into a hard-core panic state which makes me want to throw myself out of the car...no matter how fast the car is going. no joke. wish i could laugh at that too, but this actually happened last night on the way home from the b&d night at the club. i, no joke, tried to throw myself out of the van. way to go me! (slight smile)
anybody reading this, i do need help, but i don't know what kind yet...but i'll take all the hugs and love i can get...and i do appreciate all the offers i've gotten to give any help that i need.
my spirit however, will take much longer to heal, but i'm trying. i think i'm dealing tolerably well with the whole thing, considering the fact that I'm stuck in wisconsin with no ride. granted, i do really like wisconsin, but i'm ready to be home with my kitties again. i know they miss me, and i know that potions knew something bad was going to happen to me, cuz he was acting really strangely when i was trying to leave to come up here in the first place. I want him to know that I'm ok, and i really will be coming back home to him, just like i always promise him i will when i leave.
sometimes when i'm alone, i start to burst out into tears, but just when the sob is about to overtake me, i somehow calm myself down again. this is a bit sadder than i've been in blogs in a while, but i haven't yet reached the point where i feel i can be funny yet. maybe someday soon, i'll look around and laugh at the whole thing but for now, i'm just glad to be alive, glad to have friends who do care about me deeply and are worried for my safety and well being, glad to have friends who offer help even though there is little to be actually given (small laugh), and a little sad that i don't have my favorite car anymore, and might never again.
however, even if i do get the damned car back, i'm selling the fucking thing before i got to basic...i have no intention of keeping a car that seems to be bad luck. perhaps it was the car that saved me and these things would have happened to me anyway, but it's getting a little too suspicious for me to take any more chances on it. in wisconsin the winter i was there, the car almost skidded off a cliff and into a huge tree, i barely avoided that mess...then i did actually hit a truck tire (technically it hit me) and went spinning in circles on the interstate at 70mph and miraculously did not hit anything, but the car was pretty fucked up...then the bastard hit me while i was working fucking up my back in october of last year, now i've rolled the car (for no "apparent" reason) into a ditch/river and barely walked away from it. i've also gotten more speeding tickets in that car in the past two years than i had my whole life up to that point...the ratio is 5 to 1 by the way (5 in that car, only 1 in any other car) and i didn't speed anymore in that car than i ever did.
bruised and shaken, i am trying to dust myself off and get moving forward again, but it's hard to do sometimes. and last night i discovered that, apparently, squealing tires send me into a hard-core panic state which makes me want to throw myself out of the car...no matter how fast the car is going. no joke. wish i could laugh at that too, but this actually happened last night on the way home from the b&d night at the club. i, no joke, tried to throw myself out of the van. way to go me! (slight smile)
anybody reading this, i do need help, but i don't know what kind yet...but i'll take all the hugs and love i can get...and i do appreciate all the offers i've gotten to give any help that i need.
posted by AeroAangel at 21:21
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