trying to look up instead of down

Days go slowly around here without him to talk to anymore, and without hope that he'll hold me all night long again. I've been crying about twice a day, sometimes more and i can't stop myself from doing it. I wish I could, but it hurts me a lot in my soul...cuz BoY was one of the few that actually managed to touch me deep enough to reach my soul. Isis and Osiris...maybe they eventually got reunited. I hold out hope that someday Osiris will return to Isis, but according to the myth, Isis had to put him back together first and revive him from the dead...if only I knew of a way to translate this into modern life.

As ever, I'm the stupid little girl inside who refuses to give up hope...My Pandora's Box was opened long long ago, and i've been fighting the monsters every since...good thing they weren't the only thing inside the box. I still have hope that someday I will find somebody great, or that maybe he'll even come back to me later on when he's more ready...or when I'm more ready. Maybe it really was my fault, I thought I was ready to committ, but really I was still scared. I mean, why else would I have done what I did to BoY? The problem right now is that part of me knows that he's the only one I want, that he's my Osiris, but part of me still thinks I should look around again soon. But I know I can't do both...maybe in my waiting someone will come along and pick me out from among the other clovers, or maybe the fates will find some way to put this lucky clover back into the hands of the first BoY who truly found me.