Why am I so Fucking Stupid?
Why do I always get this way when this happens to me? Why don't I ever see it coming and cut my losses? Why do I always lose myself when it happens? Why can I never remember who I really am when it happens? Oh I know *yells* because it's the only fucking thing that matters to me at all! Because everything else is just boring ass fucking details in my life. Because it's the only thing that's ever mattered.
But I've made a command decision: I'm not going to let it happen again. I give up! Finally, I just plain give up. For one thing, I definitely didn't need to see this and for another thing...I'm never happy and it always tears me apart when similar things happen again and again. So I've decided to just stop trying...I'm giving up.
From here on out, I'm only gonna date people I've already dated...if any of them want to come back. At least that way, when it ends, I'll know that I should have known better. I'll at least know that I *should* have seen it coming.
All that said, I realized something. I'm a stupidly simple person. With as complicated as everybody thinks I am, and as complex as I sometimes act, I'm just a simple person. Because love is the only thing that really honestly matters to me; everything else is just details. I don't care what job I do, though I do like my new one, and I don't care where I hang out, or what I eat (mostly). I don't *really* care when my cat pees on my blankets, I'm just frustrated that I have more laundry to do...which I hate. Only thing that matters though, that truly matters, is the only thing I can't get. Maybe I'm not simple...just obsessive..heh.
But I've made a command decision: I'm not going to let it happen again. I give up! Finally, I just plain give up. For one thing, I definitely didn't need to see this and for another thing...I'm never happy and it always tears me apart when similar things happen again and again. So I've decided to just stop trying...I'm giving up.
From here on out, I'm only gonna date people I've already dated...if any of them want to come back. At least that way, when it ends, I'll know that I should have known better. I'll at least know that I *should* have seen it coming.
All that said, I realized something. I'm a stupidly simple person. With as complicated as everybody thinks I am, and as complex as I sometimes act, I'm just a simple person. Because love is the only thing that really honestly matters to me; everything else is just details. I don't care what job I do, though I do like my new one, and I don't care where I hang out, or what I eat (mostly). I don't *really* care when my cat pees on my blankets, I'm just frustrated that I have more laundry to do...which I hate. Only thing that matters though, that truly matters, is the only thing I can't get. Maybe I'm not simple...just obsessive..heh.
posted by AeroAangel at 23:23
4 Comments:
I hate not being there to know whats going on. I hate even more that I can't be there just wrap you up in a big hug and tell you its going to be ok. I worry about you hon. Miss you and love you, always.
Sigh.. *holds you close* Nothing I can say will change things... all I can offer is my touch.
Reread this and wanted to make another comment..
You are simply a complex person ;-) Love you no matter.
Now for my angry /rant ... You know I've been going through similar man problems, and I am the last person on earth that would have the *DUH DUH DUH, mind blowing revelation* of how to fix this. I'm tired of being "one of the fucking guys" I want love too. What is so wrong with me that I can't find it... /end rant
yeah, I would say I am the same thing, simple. Don't try to make me so comlicated or fit me into your pretty little box. I'm not going to fit. Just accept me and love me, for me.
...yeah.
..Hey thanks for the wonderful compliment on my writing. I write exactly the way I talk. It's totally my voice coming over the blog. (ew, spooky!)...anyway thanks. And we'll both find "him" whoever, him might be, we will.
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