Temptations

So last night a friend of mine from high school (one of the very few I still talk to) came down to nashville to visit me. He wanted to go out drinking in "my" town for a change. I didn't really have the heart to tell him that I don't really "hang out" in nashville anymore. But still, we went out. SyScreams came down too...which gave me more entertainment for the evening. I realized that everything has changed...and I didn't really like that. We went to eat at a place that used to be great, but last night...not so much. Then we went to a bar, that *also* used to be cool. It was a lot of uppity vandy-bunnies now...count me out of that group. But we stayed for serveral games of pool and a few beers. Then we decided to go across the street to a place I never liked to hang out b/c it used to be really trashy, but there were way more people over there, so we finished the beers and walked over. Upon arrival, several people screamed "oh my god" followed by my real name. Wow, haven't seen you guys in fucking forever. How's it going? They invited the three of us to sit with them, and then proceeded to start buying syscreams and I drinks. Didn't expect the irish car bombs to show up. But, when in rome...or rather, when somebody buys you a beer...u don't turn it down.

See, what had happened was...lol There was a guy at the table who was talking about some previous occasion when he had gotten really hammered drinking irish car bombs. And both her and I said, man....that sounds really good right now: an Irish car Bomb. Didn't think anything else of it. Moved on to drinking the midori sours that josh formerly mouse had bought for everybody. It was surprisingly good. Usually when somebody buys me a drink and says...this is really good, i rarely agree with them. Then the car bombs showed up...omfg...somebody's trying to get me really hammered tonight. Thanks gavin. thanks daniel. First time in two weeks that i've slept more than a couple hours.

So it was really good to see mouse again...been so long. His band used to play all the time in nashville, and I would go to all the shows...cuz I thought the music was fucking fabulous. And last night he gave me the new cd from the new "band" i.e. him and his brother now. Some of the old songs re-done, some old songs played the same only recorded better. So yeah, two great gifts in a very short period of time.

at any rate, i realized the temptations starting last night. Soon as I decide, fuck it i'm done with nashville...just gotta make it a year or so more...then my old friends fall back into my life. Wondering where the hell i've been all these months since i got back. (in a dark hole, hiding away, feeling bad for myself) Oh me? i've just been working a lot.

So now it's like...my head is saying you know, maybe nashville could be good again...if you were actually hanging out IN NASHVILLE, as opposed to fucking clarkshell. Maybe if you had gone out sooner, you would have realized that all your friends are still here. But you don't go out in nashville. Ah, I see, so now that I've decided to move back to winter wonderland...the temptation to stay is gonna come. Yep, that's my luck. leave it to fate to make every decision i have to make as fucking difficult as possible.

but that's not all...I'm still upset about the recent break. Realized it several times last night, when something I said sounded so much like him...and kept running over and over in my head: we're so much alike...still don't understand why we couldn't make it work. Then today I saw him posting about the last new person he let in hurt him just as much as the previous one...well, I only have one thing to say about that: you broke up with me...remember?!?!