the real beautiful night part 4

 

We arrived at his room both still swirly-headed from all the kissing, and he let me in.  Still determined that I wasn’t going to sleep with him that night (I managed that part), and determined to try to control the situation (absolutely did NOT manage that part, at all…like not even a little bit), I looked for somewhere besides his bed to sit and talk…or whatever we were about to do and everything seemed normal enough for the beginning. But then it started to get really weird. I don't remember all the steps...but it took some doing. Either way I ended up sitting on his bed and chatting with him...and he was still constantly saying.... "What are YOU doing here???" And I would respond with...I don't know...and then finally I realized what he was talking about...he just couldn't believe that I was there with him...like I was treat for him. ...and the truth was that I really honestly and truly did NOT know what I was doing there. He wasn't my normal type and I was nursing some really bad wounds from previous relationships. But when we kissed...when we kissed that was a whole other ball game...

But he was a very minimalist person…and there was no seating outside of the bed. “Typical of special forces guys,” I thought to myself, “don’t keep a lot of sentimental crap, so there’s less to deal with when you have to leave suddenly for long stretches of time, without a word.”

            Of course, it would happen that sitting on his bed was seen as encouragement to keep trying to undo my defenses, and the kissing began again before I even had a second to breathe or barely collect my thoughts.  I stopped trying to control the swirling head and weird random thoughts that kept cropping up in my head at some point.  Musta been just about then that the walls of his room completely fell away, transporting us to somewhere new.  And I know you might be thinking that’s just pleasure…but no, it was Ancient Egypt.  Suddenly, the entire room was gone and was replaced by a desert, and people in very strange garb.  We were in some random locale that if pictures in history books are accurate was Ancient Egypt.  People walking by smelling strongly of oils and perfumes long since used, and long since needed, thanks to modern sanitation.  Dark skinned beautiful people, wearing gold flat jewelry and half dressed…bringing offerings to what I can only assume must have been the pharaoh.  People working hard in nothing more than loin cloths, carrying, en masse, enormous cube shaped rocks to destination unknown (probably a pyramid)…vendors selling their wares…things I’d never seen before in this life, hollering at passerby that they have the latest thing that everybody needs.  All of it so real…so vivid.  All of it so familiar.  But none of it what I was actually doing at that moment…which was kissing a beautiful strong BoY.  The whole of it shook me to my core, and it all happened right before my eyes, but not quite.  When the kiss broke for a second, the desert faded, and the room returned…but my desire for him did not fade.  Though now I was feeling very terrified of what might happen if I actually did break my commitment to not sleep with him.  If not for Ancient Egypt appearing suddenly around us that night, I just might have changed my mind from all the delicious kissing.  As it was though, having a flashback from what I can only assume was a past life lived with this BoY, and with me being at a place where I only wanted a fling…I wasn’t ready.  Amazing how you can be looking for nothing and find something so real that your soul remembers it…life’s great irony I suppose.  We kept kissing after that, but it was far less passionate and far less of me being out of control, and I think I let him take off my shirt and rub me delicately, sometimes roughly, in various places…and I did sleep over.  It was late and we were both tired, and he was very respectful of my not wanting to go further that night…but I often wonder if he saw the same things, or if he was just being a nice guy.  Maybe it scared him too…and he didn’t know if he wanted to take that road…maybe he was just happy to have a beautiful woman in his bed that he could hold onto all night.  All things I never found out…but waking up cradled in his arms, I do know that I tried to convince myself it never happened.  But I’m not that stupid.  That beautiful special forces guy helped me remember another of my past lives and I’ll never forget that, but he has long since been anyone important to me.  So many possible paths in the world, all directed by the choices we make.  What would the world be like had I decided to just give in to the full weight of what he offered that night?