Suspend your Disbelief

You may have to do that a bit, if you're reading this post and you don't already know how I am. That is, if you can even figure out what I'm talking about.

So I remembered some things tonight that I had forgotten...

I remembered why I hate insomnia so much...not only do I not get enough sleep and I'm exhausted at work, then get home only to not be tired and do it all over again. Not only do I have to remind my body to work after a few days of not sleeping i.e. move leg now, move other leg now...*that actually goes through my head to make sure I'm still walking*. But also, it makes the veil too thin...and the darkness too close: the things I don't like to deal with find me anyhow, see me, know that I see them...and I can't make it shut down. Everywhere I look today, there they are, staring at me...and doing things they shouldn't be doing. The darkness is getting too close.

I remembered why I stopped wearing it. I took it off the night I wanted to do the crazy thing, cuz I didn't want it to save me after I did what I wanted. But I forgot why I wanted to give it away, why I contemplated throwing it out the window.
I remembered that I wanted to be rid of it because it was making the darkness get too close. It was closing in on me slowly...surrounding me, choking me, stifling me. The darkness was getting to close, so I took it off. Cuz I didn't want the darkness to get me.
I remembered that I stopped wearing it cuz I could feel it leading me in a different direction...and I was beginning to get a "gollum" complex. *throaty obsessive voice* We wants to keep it...no we doesn't, it hurts us...we wants to keep it, we will keep it...we wants to throw it out the window...but we needs it...let's bury it and never find it again...can't do that to the precious. *tov done*
I remembered because I put it back on tonight, because I had forgotten why I *really* took it off. And, naturally, it happened again. The darkness was not just close when it found me tonight, it was in me. I contemplated things that weren't like me AT ALL!! and then promptly talked myself out of doing them...barely. *thought* Maybe I'll go to her house and tell her to take it off me, don't give it back to me I'll say...*end* But we needs it...she will keep it, we don't want to take it off. The darkness is getting too close. But finally, before I got back to my apartment (still not tired by the way, but I got off early at work cuz I was dragging ass so bad that even my manager could tell...still dragging ass, but not tired anymore) but I couldn't get myself to get rid of it still. We still needs it...just not right now. Hide it away for a few years until its use will be required...until then,

I'm just Angel, hiding out...laying low...not sleeping...thinking about the precious, even now still grasping for it, expecting it to be where it always used to be..always! but now it's not...just Angel, looking for love...believing in things that are real, but most people don't understand...lieing in wait until the day comes for it all to end. The darkness really is getting too close...I don't know if I'm ready. Still need to prepare.


Footnote:
When the darkness comes for you...how will you choose? Really? Are you sure? Is that your final answer?

Choose wisely my friends, because it may be the last choice you'll ever make, and my face may well be the last face you see after you've made it...*deviant laugh*

*scared voice* Is she kidding? Is she serious? How would you ever know?