Last Thoughts
Tomorrow morning I leave Nevada to head off to the great beyond known as basic training. I'm getting very nervous about the whole thing, the closer it gets. I'll be in TN for about a day and a half and I leave out Tuesday afternoon.
A new change in my life brings to the surface all of the "could-have-beens" that I've left behind over the years. All the things I really wanted to do when I graduated from high school, the things I wanted to do after I graduated college....but none of them happened. Instead, I ended up on the same path as my parents, well at least the same path as my dad: the military. Same thing my brother did, and my uncle and my grandfather, and my other uncle...I come from a long line of military brats.
And I know that I have chosen this path, and that it really is what I want to do...but if I had it to do again, I can't help but think that I might have changed some things. There are some things that I would have really liked to do, but I'm way too wise about time change to think that anything can actually be changed. It can't! Because given the same circumstances you'll make the same choice over and over again...when time travel happens (yes when not if) a person does not get the benefit of hindsight...so I know that I actually wouldn't change things, but I can't help but wonder if my life would have been different if I had chosen to do other things with it besides what I've done.
In the army now! Wish me luck at basic and to those of you who have given me your addresses, I will try to write to all of you. If I haven't gotten your address then I guess you'll just have to wait to hear from me after basic.
I'm also sad because my beloved cat, Potions, still has not come back to me. I wonder if he just left because he knew I was going away soon? It's hard to say. Either way it makes me very sad because that cat is my heart. Tomorrow I leave and I don't hold out hope that he will magically come back tonight and save me the heartache of thinking I've lost him forever. Just one more thing God has taken away from me trying to make me stronger...but this time I'm very angry about it.
This is my path, and ultimately I'll walk it alone. Friends come and go and walk with me for a while, but they can never stay forever. That's just too long of a time. The year is already almost over and it will be when I finish with basic training. I feel the pain of the end so deeply now that I know it can't be far off, and still I'm not trained, and still I haven't found the only thing that I ever wanted...maybe I won't ever find it.
**Thoughts and typing shall end here as it's only making me very sad**
A new change in my life brings to the surface all of the "could-have-beens" that I've left behind over the years. All the things I really wanted to do when I graduated from high school, the things I wanted to do after I graduated college....but none of them happened. Instead, I ended up on the same path as my parents, well at least the same path as my dad: the military. Same thing my brother did, and my uncle and my grandfather, and my other uncle...I come from a long line of military brats.
And I know that I have chosen this path, and that it really is what I want to do...but if I had it to do again, I can't help but think that I might have changed some things. There are some things that I would have really liked to do, but I'm way too wise about time change to think that anything can actually be changed. It can't! Because given the same circumstances you'll make the same choice over and over again...when time travel happens (yes when not if) a person does not get the benefit of hindsight...so I know that I actually wouldn't change things, but I can't help but wonder if my life would have been different if I had chosen to do other things with it besides what I've done.
In the army now! Wish me luck at basic and to those of you who have given me your addresses, I will try to write to all of you. If I haven't gotten your address then I guess you'll just have to wait to hear from me after basic.
I'm also sad because my beloved cat, Potions, still has not come back to me. I wonder if he just left because he knew I was going away soon? It's hard to say. Either way it makes me very sad because that cat is my heart. Tomorrow I leave and I don't hold out hope that he will magically come back tonight and save me the heartache of thinking I've lost him forever. Just one more thing God has taken away from me trying to make me stronger...but this time I'm very angry about it.
This is my path, and ultimately I'll walk it alone. Friends come and go and walk with me for a while, but they can never stay forever. That's just too long of a time. The year is already almost over and it will be when I finish with basic training. I feel the pain of the end so deeply now that I know it can't be far off, and still I'm not trained, and still I haven't found the only thing that I ever wanted...maybe I won't ever find it.
**Thoughts and typing shall end here as it's only making me very sad**
posted by AeroAangel at 12:56
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