Mirroring my situation--Warning: Religious Post
On Sunday this week, I went to church again...at the same church that is very near to my house. The closest one was a Pentecostal church, but I was on foot so I didn't figure that I had a right to be too choosy. It turned out to be more than I expected...and significantly less than the horror stories I've heard about these types of churches. But all that is another rant for another day, and possibly for never since I've realized that I don't mind the church that much.
Well this Sunday the Pastor was telling us the parable of the laborer in Matthew: 20. It's basically (summation to follow for those who won't read it) God realizing that he needed workers for his vineyard. So he hires workers in the morning. He offers to pay them the "normal fair wage" for their work for the whole day. But throughout the day, he continues to hire more and more workers realizing that there was much more work to be done and not enough workers. Also realizing that there were plenty of "people (men)" about who weren't employed in doing hard work, because they hadn't been hired (picked) yet. At the end of it, there were some people who were hired only an hour before the day was at its end. And god paid all the men the same wage. The men who had been working all day were displeased and questioned him, and finally he answered saying basically, you say I'm being unfair but have I not paid you what I promised I would pay you? Did I not say to you at the beginning of the day that I would pay you this much for you full day of work? Well....yes. So who are you to judge me if I decide to be generous with my money with those men who haven't worked all day long?
It's a pointless argument because nobody can tell somebody else how to divulge the gifts that they have been given. If you make an agreement with one man and you keep it, what gives them the right to tell you that you cannot also give the same to somebody else--even if they think that that person isn't worth it. If I choose to heal a man who has been hurting for years on end with the same affliction and it only takes me 10 minutes; how can he tell me that I have no right to take 3 hours to heal somebody who has only been in pain for a single day? Who has a right to judge worth?
NOBODY!!! Nobody but the higher power that controls us all.
Also that day, the pastor told us about how being picked last doesn't mean that were worth any less in our gods' (my edit, not actual word used) eyes just because we didn't find our faith until much later in life than the man who sits next to us who found his faith at age 2.
Sidenote: I saw a 2 or 3 year old child in church on Sunday who spent the whole first part of the service (until they were called away to "children's church") kneeling down at the altar of the church and crying, with her hands in the prayer motion. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen: a child that young who had found her faith so clearly and openly--she just knew! Wow! Then it was followed by the most disturbing thing (s) I'd ever seen: two people, her mother and her sister, tried to pull her away from doing it and get her to sit back down. It was appalling to me...two people who claimed to be "saved" (I hate that term, but that's the one Baptist/Pentecostal churches use) were trying to keep a young woman from practicing her faith the way she was called to do. The little girl slapped them both and refused to sit down! I can't even imagine what would have happened to me if my Mom had treated me like that when I was that young--not to say that I was kneeling and crying in church at that age, but I was well aware of my gifts by like the age of 5, and if my parents had discouraged it the way this family did...I doubt I'd be where I am today. And I seriously doubt that I would have come as far as I've managed to come on my journey.
Back to topic....
Everybody may be called by the higher power to do different things at different times, and just because somebody else doesn't think we're worth the trouble, doesn't mean we aren't. Just because we were the last one picked by god to do something great, doesn't mean we deserve any less than the first guy who was picked; it doesn't mean that we won't accomplish more in a single week than the first guy picked could accomplish in 20 years. The point is: IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!
Then the pastor called for people who felt that they were picked for something great by our loving gods (my word), who were destined to achieve great things and do great things for love (of all things or only some parts--again my interpretation). And I knew that at that moment, god was calling for me...the pastor kept asking, but I wasn't brave enough to go up in front of everybody; not brave enough to let the judging eyes of others see me and look down at me for it...but after the service, I was still crying (I always cry in church lately, I can't stop it from happening--I don't know why) and I walked up to where the pastor was and told him that he was calling for me that day, but I couldn't walk out in front. So we prayed--I believe that prayer is no different that spell casting, and I do both! (different situations call for different armies with different skills).
I put my hands up (in the "witches" stance--in my head) and asked to be told how I could help, cuz I didn't know any way that I, with no car and no job, could help...and later that night the gods delivered her to me. And I knew that I was supposed to help her...even though the help I could offer was not much. I knew because she had just walked a long way, from a car accident that totaled her car (van), that happened at night, which left her very freaked out and without any help...that she had been sent into the Goth night to meet me. One of my very good friends introduced her to me...I don't know why she did that, but she did. And then the good friend walked off and thought nothing of this girl after that.
....So I've taken on a boarder, and though she's offered several times, I'm not charging her rent or for food (I like having someone to cook for anyhow)...and I've decided to let her stay with me until...
until I can't stand her anymore, until she figures out how to get back on her feet again, until she finds somewhere else to stay, until she doesn't need the help anymore, until I leave for basic, until she makes me regret having extended my kindness by being treacherous with me...whichever she needs, until...
I don't know how long it will be, or how quickly she will figure out that she doesn't really need my help. But I feel like I owe it to pay back to the world and the gods who have blessed me with so much to give something to somebody else besides my selfish self. When that almost exact same situation happened to me, I was provided for...it's only fair that I should provide it for somebody else if I have the means...and I do. Even if what I have to give back is less than what was given to me...at least it's helping her.
On the walk back from the pharmacy today, she realized something...and I felt like I had maybe helped her in some way. She told me about it just as we were approaching my front door again...she said, "I know it sucks, but I guess I just have to make the most of it. I have to be happy with what I do have, even if it isn't much."
There ya go! That's the right attitude to have!
...it took me about that long to realize the same thing after my accident: maybe I don't have much right now...but I'm still blessed, because I'm still alive and I still have friends who love me. What more could a girl need, really?
Well this Sunday the Pastor was telling us the parable of the laborer in Matthew: 20. It's basically (summation to follow for those who won't read it) God realizing that he needed workers for his vineyard. So he hires workers in the morning. He offers to pay them the "normal fair wage" for their work for the whole day. But throughout the day, he continues to hire more and more workers realizing that there was much more work to be done and not enough workers. Also realizing that there were plenty of "people (men)" about who weren't employed in doing hard work, because they hadn't been hired (picked) yet. At the end of it, there were some people who were hired only an hour before the day was at its end. And god paid all the men the same wage. The men who had been working all day were displeased and questioned him, and finally he answered saying basically, you say I'm being unfair but have I not paid you what I promised I would pay you? Did I not say to you at the beginning of the day that I would pay you this much for you full day of work? Well....yes. So who are you to judge me if I decide to be generous with my money with those men who haven't worked all day long?
It's a pointless argument because nobody can tell somebody else how to divulge the gifts that they have been given. If you make an agreement with one man and you keep it, what gives them the right to tell you that you cannot also give the same to somebody else--even if they think that that person isn't worth it. If I choose to heal a man who has been hurting for years on end with the same affliction and it only takes me 10 minutes; how can he tell me that I have no right to take 3 hours to heal somebody who has only been in pain for a single day? Who has a right to judge worth?
NOBODY!!! Nobody but the higher power that controls us all.
Also that day, the pastor told us about how being picked last doesn't mean that were worth any less in our gods' (my edit, not actual word used) eyes just because we didn't find our faith until much later in life than the man who sits next to us who found his faith at age 2.
Sidenote: I saw a 2 or 3 year old child in church on Sunday who spent the whole first part of the service (until they were called away to "children's church") kneeling down at the altar of the church and crying, with her hands in the prayer motion. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen: a child that young who had found her faith so clearly and openly--she just knew! Wow! Then it was followed by the most disturbing thing (s) I'd ever seen: two people, her mother and her sister, tried to pull her away from doing it and get her to sit back down. It was appalling to me...two people who claimed to be "saved" (I hate that term, but that's the one Baptist/Pentecostal churches use) were trying to keep a young woman from practicing her faith the way she was called to do. The little girl slapped them both and refused to sit down! I can't even imagine what would have happened to me if my Mom had treated me like that when I was that young--not to say that I was kneeling and crying in church at that age, but I was well aware of my gifts by like the age of 5, and if my parents had discouraged it the way this family did...I doubt I'd be where I am today. And I seriously doubt that I would have come as far as I've managed to come on my journey.
Back to topic....
Everybody may be called by the higher power to do different things at different times, and just because somebody else doesn't think we're worth the trouble, doesn't mean we aren't. Just because we were the last one picked by god to do something great, doesn't mean we deserve any less than the first guy who was picked; it doesn't mean that we won't accomplish more in a single week than the first guy picked could accomplish in 20 years. The point is: IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!
Then the pastor called for people who felt that they were picked for something great by our loving gods (my word), who were destined to achieve great things and do great things for love (of all things or only some parts--again my interpretation). And I knew that at that moment, god was calling for me...the pastor kept asking, but I wasn't brave enough to go up in front of everybody; not brave enough to let the judging eyes of others see me and look down at me for it...but after the service, I was still crying (I always cry in church lately, I can't stop it from happening--I don't know why) and I walked up to where the pastor was and told him that he was calling for me that day, but I couldn't walk out in front. So we prayed--I believe that prayer is no different that spell casting, and I do both! (different situations call for different armies with different skills).
I put my hands up (in the "witches" stance--in my head) and asked to be told how I could help, cuz I didn't know any way that I, with no car and no job, could help...and later that night the gods delivered her to me. And I knew that I was supposed to help her...even though the help I could offer was not much. I knew because she had just walked a long way, from a car accident that totaled her car (van), that happened at night, which left her very freaked out and without any help...that she had been sent into the Goth night to meet me. One of my very good friends introduced her to me...I don't know why she did that, but she did. And then the good friend walked off and thought nothing of this girl after that.
....So I've taken on a boarder, and though she's offered several times, I'm not charging her rent or for food (I like having someone to cook for anyhow)...and I've decided to let her stay with me until...
until I can't stand her anymore, until she figures out how to get back on her feet again, until she finds somewhere else to stay, until she doesn't need the help anymore, until I leave for basic, until she makes me regret having extended my kindness by being treacherous with me...whichever she needs, until...
I don't know how long it will be, or how quickly she will figure out that she doesn't really need my help. But I feel like I owe it to pay back to the world and the gods who have blessed me with so much to give something to somebody else besides my selfish self. When that almost exact same situation happened to me, I was provided for...it's only fair that I should provide it for somebody else if I have the means...and I do. Even if what I have to give back is less than what was given to me...at least it's helping her.
On the walk back from the pharmacy today, she realized something...and I felt like I had maybe helped her in some way. She told me about it just as we were approaching my front door again...she said, "I know it sucks, but I guess I just have to make the most of it. I have to be happy with what I do have, even if it isn't much."
There ya go! That's the right attitude to have!
...it took me about that long to realize the same thing after my accident: maybe I don't have much right now...but I'm still blessed, because I'm still alive and I still have friends who love me. What more could a girl need, really?
posted by AeroAangel at 22:14
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home